The Simpsons (TV Series)

HOMR (2001)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier

Quotes 

• [Lisa is missing a crayon; Homer had a crayon removed from his brain making him smarter] 

  Marge : [reassuringly]  Sweetheart, the missing crayon could be anywhere.

  Homer : [crashes through living room window and holds up two fistfuls of tickets]  Who wants lottery tickets?

  Marge : [resigned]  Okay, it's in his brain.

  [leaves] 

• [at a Julia Roberts movie parody] 

  Homer : That wasn't funny.

  Patty Bouvier : Wait a minute! Somebody's not laughing! It's him!

  Homer : Hey, don't blame me! This movie is tired and predictable! You know she's gonna wind up marrying Richard Gere!

  [all gasp] 

  Dr. Hibbert : I thought she'd wind up with that rich snob.

  Sea Captain : Ably played by Bill Paxton.

  Homer : It's Bill Pullman, you fool!

  [gets thrown out] 

  Movie Usher : Go point out your plot holes elsewhere!

• Homer : I have a great way to settle our money woes. You rent your womb to a rich, childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant.

  Marge : [indignantly]  Are you crazy? I'm not going to be a surrogate mother.

  Homer : Come on, Marge. We're a team. It's uter-US, not uter-YOU.

• Marge : Oh, Homer, where have you been?

  Homer : I just underwent a procedure to increase my IQ 50 points.

  Marge : Really?

  Homer : And they gave me this spiffy nerd ensemble, too.

  Marge : Do you feel smarter?

  Homer : Is the capital of North Dakota Bismarck?

  Lisa : [the family all looks to her]  It is.

  Bart Simpson : I don't believe it. Say something else smart.

  Homer : Dr. Joyce Brothers may be well-known, but her psychological credentials are highly suspect.

  Lisa : [the family all looks to her again]  It's true!

  Homer : Now, who's up for a trip to the library tomorrow? Notice I no longer say "liberry" or "tomorry".

• Homer : Family meeting. Family meeting.

  [the rest of the family runs into the dining room and quickly takes their seats] 

  Homer : Okay, people, let's keep this short. We all want to get home to our families.

  [all laugh] 

  Homer : All right, first item: I lost our life savings in the stock market. Now, let's move on to the real issue: Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup.

  Lisa : Well, maybe if Mom didn't make such dry waffles. There, I said it.

  Marge : Well, maybe if you ate some meat, you'd have a natural lubricant.

  [gasps and turns to Homer] 

  Marge : You lost all our money?

  Homer : Point of order - I didn't lose ALL the money. There was enough left for this cowbell.

  [rings it softly and the bell breaks apart in his hands] 

  Homer : Damn you, eBay!

• Homer : [in bed with his stock certificate]  Sleep tight, my beloved. You're my ticket out of this hellhole.

  Marge : Homer!

  Homer : Sorry. *Our* ticket out of this hellhole.