- Dead Warrior: Who are you?
- Deathstalker: Smelled your food.
- Mike Nelson: That was the last guy's name!
- Crow T. Robot: [after detecting a slight British accent by the two cast members] Let's see how long these accents last!
- Tom Servo: [after seeing a poorly choreographed sword fight] It was a good idea to film the rehearsal.
- [Deathstalker, the smug and loathsome hero, is preparing to leave the people]
- Deathstalker: You once told me it's not easy being a princess.
- Crow T. Robot: [as princess] Sure did. Bye!
- Deathstalker: It's not easy being a hero, either.
- Tom Servo: Never before has an entire medieval city thrown up at the same moment.
- [watching Deathstalker break into a castle]
- Mike Nelson: This movie is like playing Doom when there's no monsters or opponents.
- [dozens of peasants are fighting to aid Deathstalker]
- Crow: We are still fighting bravely for our vague goal.