My Family (TV Series)

Auto Erotica (2002)

Siobhan Hayes: Abi Harper

Quotes 

• Abi : Your dad's not a morning person, is he?

  Michael : Well, he's not much for days and nights either. Whereas, I...

  Abi : In your dreams!

  Michael : [mutters]  Constantly.

• Abi : So what do you reckon Ben's going to get you for your anniversary?

  Susan : Same two things as usual: an excuse and an apology.

• Abi : Happy anniversary in three days' time!

  Ben : You said that yesterday!

  Abi : No. I said "Happy anniversary in four days' time"!

• Abi : I can't believe you two have been married for 26 years.

  Susan : Well, we haven't made it yet.

  Abi : In my family, a good relationship lasts 26 minutes. And that includes his cigarette.

• Abi : I've never seen Ben smile so much. It's really creepy.

  Susan : You haven't seen him naked.

• Abi : No, I've got no role model in this relationship stuff. I mean, how do you make it work?

  Susan : Well, first of all, you need to get a boyfriend.

  Abi : Oh, right. Then do you break his spirit right away or wear him down over time?

  Susan : Well... everyone's different, dear. And the key thing about marriage is to respect those differences...

  Ben : [Beeping his car horn] 

  Susan : ...to encourage your partner to have other interests...

  Ben : [Still beeping his horn] 

  Susan : ...to take joy in the things that bring him joy...

  Ben : [Still beeping his horn] 

  Susan : ...excuse me, dear.

  [Walks over to window and shouts at Ben] 

  Susan : STOP THAT BLOODY NOISE!

• Abi : [Coming up behind Michael, who is practising removing a bra from her teddy bear]  That bear's a boy.

  Michael : It's, er... not what it looks like!

  Abi : Good! Because it looks like you're feeling up Mr Fuzzbudget!

• Abi : [Giving Susan her anniversary present]  At last, the joyous day has arrived! My first anniversary in an unbroken home. Maybe this will lighten the mood. Happy anniversary.

  Susan : Oh, thank you, dear! At least somebody remembered.

  Nick Harper : Yeah, that's from all of us.

  Abi : You didn't chip in.

  Nick Harper : It's the thought that counts.

• Michael : I was simply returning a pair of your... undergarments. It got mixed in with my laundry.

  Abi : You don't see me going through your... undergarments.

  Michael : Look, fair is fair. If you want to go through my underpants, you have my permission!

  Abi : Ooh! Aren't you the little pervert?