My Family (TV Series)

Auto Erotica (2002)

Kris Marshall: Nick Harper

Quotes 

• Nick Harper : [to Ben]  So you gave up your beloved car for me... and now I own one. That's irony for you.

• Abi : [Giving Susan her anniversary present]  At last, the joyous day has arrived! My first anniversary in an unbroken home. Maybe this will lighten the mood. Happy anniversary.

  Susan : Oh, thank you, dear! At least somebody remembered.

  Nick Harper : Yeah, that's from all of us.

  Abi : You didn't chip in.

  Nick Harper : It's the thought that counts.

• Ben : [to Nick's battered sports car, which he is souping up]  When was the last time we had a clean, hmm?

  Nick Harper : [Coming up behind Ben]  Who said you could touch that?

  Ben : Eh? What? You did.

  Nick Harper : Ah. But that was before I dreamt up... the Car Jar!

  Ben : Car Jar?

  Nick Harper : Every time you touch or look at my car, you have to pay a small user fee. Let's say a pound a minute?

  Ben : Well, let's say I pound your arse?

• Nick Harper : So what do you think of Leroy?

  Ben : Who?

  Nick Harper : [Pointing at the car]  Leroy!

  Ben : No, no, no! This car isn't a Leroy! Oh, no. Look at the graceful lines - this car is a woman! The coquettish tilt of the wheel arches, the dimpled smile of the radiator grill...

  Nick Harper : The great set of headlights?

  Ben : Please. Don't ever talk about Jasmine like that.

  Nick Harper : Jasmine?

  Ben : Yes, yes, yes.

  Nick Harper : Well, I think the car is called Leroy! Unless you want to pay for the naming rights!

  Ben : Why would I want to pay for naming rights?

  Nick Harper : Because it's called Leroy!

  Ben : Well, it doesn't matter, does it? Because I can just say Jasmine in my head.

  [Mutters to himself] 

  Ben : Jasmine...

  Nick Harper : [Teasing Ben, who is fixing the car]  Alright, Leroy? How's it hanging, Leroy? Leroy, my man!

  Ben : Alright! OK! OK! Here's your blood money! Go on, get out!

  Nick Harper : [In high-pitched voice, winding up Ben]  Alright, Jasmine? How's it hanging, Jasmine? Jasmine, my man!

• Nick Harper : So what are you doing under there?

  Ben : Are you asking me because you want to know or are you just being annoying?

  Nick Harper : Either will do for me.