My Family (TV Series)

Auto Erotica (2002)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan : I'd like to spend our anniversary on a romantic weekend trip to Dorset.

  Ben : Well, I'd like a weekend as Michelle Pfeiffer's love toy, but we all have to live with our disappointments, don't we?

• Ben : I promise on our children's lives.

  Susan : So either way you win.

• Abi : So what do you reckon Ben's going to get you for your anniversary?

  Susan : Same two things as usual: an excuse and an apology.

• Susan : Morning, dear.

  Ben : Morning, everyone. Except you.

  Susan : And all I've ever done is love you.

• Ben : [Talking to Nick about his old sports car]  I had to give her up when you mother was pregnant with you.

  Susan : We were starting a family. We needed a car that had more room and was more reliable.

  Ben : You were too fat to fit in it!

• Abi : I can't believe you two have been married for 26 years.

  Susan : Well, we haven't made it yet.

  Abi : In my family, a good relationship lasts 26 minutes. And that includes his cigarette.

• Abi : I've never seen Ben smile so much. It's really creepy.

  Susan : You haven't seen him naked.

• Abi : No, I've got no role model in this relationship stuff. I mean, how do you make it work?

  Susan : Well, first of all, you need to get a boyfriend.

  Abi : Oh, right. Then do you break his spirit right away or wear him down over time?

  Susan : Well... everyone's different, dear. And the key thing about marriage is to respect those differences...

  Ben : [Beeping his car horn] 

  Susan : ...to encourage your partner to have other interests...

  Ben : [Still beeping his horn] 

  Susan : ...to take joy in the things that bring him joy...

  Ben : [Still beeping his horn] 

  Susan : ...excuse me, dear.

  [Walks over to window and shouts at Ben] 

  Susan : STOP THAT BLOODY NOISE!

• Susan : [Kissing Ben in bed]  Your hands are so soft and supple.

  Ben : Mmmm.

  Susan : [Stops kissing Ben, then pauses]  Are you wearing driving gloves?

  Ben : Yeah.

  Susan : For God's sake, Ben! This is our bed, not the M40!

• Susan : An anniversary is a milestone. Why can't you celebrate it like a normal person?

  Ben : Because what you see as a milestone, I see as a signpost saying "Another mile closer to the grave".

  Susan : Oh, so that's it this year? A mid-life crisis? Why can't you just bonk your assistants like other dentists?

  Ben : No one's stayed long enough to form a meaningful relationship.

  Susan : [Scowling at Ben] 

  Ben : Yeah, I can see humour is not going to work here, is it?

• Abi : [Giving Susan her anniversary present]  At last, the joyous day has arrived! My first anniversary in an unbroken home. Maybe this will lighten the mood. Happy anniversary.

  Susan : Oh, thank you, dear! At least somebody remembered.

  Nick Harper : Yeah, that's from all of us.

  Abi : You didn't chip in.

  Nick Harper : It's the thought that counts.

• Susan : Where have you been?

  Ben : [Shrugs]  Nowhere.

  Susan : You've been in that garage all night, haven't you?

  Ben : No, no, no...

  Susan : Don't lie to me, Ben. There's oil on your collar.

  Ben : OK, OK. I was fiddling under the bonnet, you know and... one thing led to another and...

  Susan : Well, I hope you and Jasmine are very happy together!

  Ben : Oh, can you hear yourself? You're not jealous of a car?

  Susan : Can Jasmine raise a family, cook you gourmet meals, show you ecstasy?

  Ben : Yep, in 6.5 seconds.

• Susan : Well, I'm leaving for Dorset tomorrow. And if you mess this up, Ben Harper, this could be your last anniversary.

  Ben : Er, are you threatening me with divorce?

  Susan : I didn't say *our* last anniversary, I said *yours*.

• Susan : [Upset on having her anniversary dinner without Ben]  Well, this is a festive occasion!

  Nick Harper : You can't be angry at the old fella. I mean, if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have us.

  Susan : You're making things worse.

• Susan : You know what? This car is a bit like our marriage. It's old, it's up on blocks and it's going nowhere.

  Ben : And it's... green.

  Susan : Still, after all this time, it is still going.

  Ben : Huh! No, it's not!

  Susan : I'm talking about the marriage.

  Ben : Oh, the marriage, yeah! The marriage! Yeah, definitely!

  Susan : Although, some things are past the point of fixing.

  Ben : The marriage?

  Susan : The car!

  Ben : The car, yeah.