Hogfather (2006 TV Movie)

David Jason: Albert

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Death is able to stop a little match girl from dying] 

  Albert : You're not allowed to do that.

  Death : The Hogfather can. The Hogfather gives presents. There's no better present than a future.

• Death : Let's go sleigh them!

  [looks at Albert] 

  Death : I don't know if you noticed Albert, but that was a pune, or play on words.

  Albert : Ho ho ho sir.

• Albert : Never say die, master. That's our motto.

  Death : [grimly]  I can't say it's ever really been mine.

• Death : [half-heartedly]  Ho, ho, ho.

  Albert : No, no, no! You've got put a bit more life in it, sir... Er, no offence intended. You've got to do a big fat laugh, sir. You've got to sound like you're pissing brandy and you're crapping plum pudding, sir... if you'll pardon my Klatchian.

• Death : [reads a list]  The boy wants a pair of trousers that he doesn't have to share, a huge meat pie, a sugar mouse, "a lot of toys" and a puppy named Scruff.

  Albert : Ah, how sweet. I shall wipe away a tear, 'cause what he's getting, see, is this wooden toy and an apple.

  Death : But the letter clearly...

  Albert : I know. It's the socio-economic factors. The world would be in a hell of a mess, eh, if everyone got what they asked for.

  Death : I gave them what they wanted in the store...

  Albert : Yeah, well, what good is a god that gives you everything you want?

  Death : You have me there.

  Albert : It's the HOPE that's important. It's a big part of belief. I mean to say, you give people jam today and they'll just sit and eat it. But jam tomorrow, now... that'll keep them going for ever.

  Death : And you mean that because of this the poor get poor things and the rich get rich things?

  Albert : Well, yes. That's the meaning of Hogswatch, isn't it, Master?

  Death : But I'm the Hogfather! At the moment, I mean.