The Simpsons (TV Series)
Simpsons Tall Tales (2001)
Hank Azaria: Moe Szyslak, Carl, Frink, Chief Wiggum, Hobo, Mr. Silas
Quotes
-
Bart Simpson : [the hobo finishes his Paul Bunyan story] Boy, that story had everything. A giant, house crushing, a meteor...
Marge Simpson : Townspeople.
Lisa : Got any more tall tales?
Hobo : Well, I suppose I could spin ya a few more yarns. But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.
Homer : [the family exchange looks with each other] All right. But your next story better be worth it.
Hobo : [lifting his leg] Get in there good. Yeah, that's it. Don't be shy. There you go.
-
Principal Skinner : [managing to knock Paul Bunyan out] Good Lord! Brought down by one beer?
Moe Szyslak : [holding an oversized tranquilizer pill] And a couple of these babies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the barn dance.
-
Hobo : [singing] Now, Paul and Babe were a mighty fine match/But the man had an itch that an ox couldn't scratch.
Paul Bunyan : Huh?
[gasping as he sees Marge]
Paul Bunyan : She's pretty.
Marge Simpson : Oh. What a handsome man.
[they run towards each other; realizing his size, she screams and runs the other way]
Paul Bunyan : [catching her] Got ya! Don't worry. I won't smush you. You're cute.
Marge Simpson : Oh, thank you.
[humming, he sticks her beehive hairdo into his ear like a Q-tip]
Marge Simpson : Hey, what are you doing?
Paul Bunyan : I just wanna spruce up for our date.
-
Frink : Hey, that meteor's headed straight for us with the fire and the impact and the 100% chance of pain! Pain in the glayvin!
Reverend Lovejoy : God has sent this fiery kill rock to show us his love.
Mayor Quimby : [clamoring from the townsfolk] There's only one man who can save us.
Paul Bunyan : [transition to his house] Oh, I get it. When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mr. Popular.
Lenny : Yeah. That's pretty much it.
Paul Bunyan : Whoo-hoo! I'm Mr. Popular!
[giggling, he dances a jig]
-
Hobo : [his musical intro to the story of Paul Bunyan] Won't you listen to my tale that's ten stories tall/'Bout a king-sized woodsman named-a Bunyan, comma, Paul/Born mighty big, he continued to expand/Thanks to a hopped-up pituitary gland/His body grew big, but his brain stayed small/He was tree-choppin', friend-stompin', house-crushin' Paul.
-
Hobo : [narrating his Connie Appleseed story] With the buffalo gone, the starving settlers were driven to cannibalism.
Chief Wiggum : [drawing wishbones] You're the fattest, Bufflekill. Okay, everybody, dig in!
[Homer shrieks as they all advance on him]
Connie Appleseed : Stop! I've got apples! Delicious, nutritious apples. And there's enough for everyone.
Additional Voices : [Sideshow Mel, taking a bite] Sweet!
[taking another bite]
Additional Voices : It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!
Principal Skinner : We're saved!
Ned Flanders : It's a miracle!
Carl : Hurray for Connie Bufflekill!
Moe Szyslak : [sticking his head out from under Homer's coat] What? So now we're not eating Homer?
-
Moe Szyslak : All right, look, we gotta do something about Bunyan. We're going bankrupt just feedin' and clothing the guy, not to mention the crushings.
Carl : [murmurs of agreement] Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him out of town. Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.