The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment (1991)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Goliath, Barney Gumble, Boxing announcer #2

Photos 

Quotes 

• Homer : Something's wrong with that kid. She's so... moral. Why can't she be more like... well, not like Bart, but there has to be a happy medium.

• [Homer sees Mr. Burns coming up his driveway] 

  Homer : Bart, quick! Help me hide the stuff I borrowed from work!

  Bart : "Borrowed"?

  Homer : All right, the stuff I stole from work!

  Bart : Oh! Okay.

• Marge : So, what did you children learn about today?

  Bart : Hell.

  Homer : Bart!

  Bart : What? That's what we learned about. I'm sure as *hell* can't tell you we learned about *hell* unless I say *hell*, can I?

  Homer : The lad's got a point.

  Bart : Hell, yes!

  Marge : Bart!

  Bart : Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell!

  Marge : Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear.

• [after Lisa runs screaming out of the room] 

  Marge : What's gotten into her?

  Bart : Beats the hell out of me.

  Homer : Bart!

• Homer : [Mt Sinai: 1220 BC]  Er, good evening Ezron, carver of graven images.

  Ezron : Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. How is business?

  Homer : Been a little slow these past few months. Not much to steal in the desert, you know?

  Ezron : Ah, do not worry, my friend.

  [Homer steals one of Ezron's idols while his back is turned] 

  Ezron : I figure we'll be wandering out here another two weeks... tops.

  Homer : [laughs]  Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her warmest regards.

  Zohar : Ah, yes. She is a good woman. Very good.

  [Homer steals a bag hanging from his belt] 

  Homer : Thankyou, my lusty friend.

  [they laugh together but stop at the sound of thunder and lightning] 

  Ezron : [suddenly Moses appears on Mt Sinai, holding the Ten Commandments]  Oh, Moses is back!

  Homer : Quick, everybody look busy!

  [Homer steals some more of Ezron's idols, Zohar chats up a passing woman, and Ezron goes back to carving a false idol] 

  Moses : [addressing the assembled throng]  The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order: Thou Shalt Not Make Any Graven Images.

  Ezron : [throws down his tools]  Oh my God!

  Moses : Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.

  Zohar : Ah well, looks like the party's over.

  Homer : [laughs]  Hey Moses, keep em' coming!

  [laughs again] 

  Moses : Thou Shalt Not Steal.

  Homer : D'oh!

  [all of his stolen booty falls to the ground] 

  Zohar : [he and Ezron laugh]  Sorry Homer.

• Homer : Family, gather round, I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.

  Bart , Lisa : Cable?

  Bart : All right.

  Homer : That's right, sixty-eight channels, MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, sixteen hours of quality programming a day.

  Marge : I don't know, Homer, we've discussed cable before. Do you really think we can afford this?

  Homer : Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can afford it.

  Marge : Mmmm, are you sure this is legal?

  Homer : Relax, Marge. Read this.

  [Homer hands Marge a pamphlet entitled, "So You've Decided To Steal Cable"] 

  Marge : "Myth: it's wrong to view quality motion pictures for free. Fact: most movies that air on cable rate two stars or lower and are repeated ad nauseam." I don't know...

• Homer : The foot is coming down! Cable stays. The foot has spoken.

• Homer : Bart!