The Simpsons (TV Series)

Last Tap Dance in Springfield (2000)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Caller, Stan, Man

Quotes 

• Optometrist : [Homer is trying on glasses]  That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer...

  Homer : Ooh, my favorite Door.

  Optometrist : ...and Yoko Ono.

  Homer : Eww, she ruined the Plastic Ono Band!

  Optometrist : Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.

  Homer : Will it get me out of having to choose glasses?

  Optometrist : Well, yes, but I must warn you it's an experimental procedure we still don't know the long-term effects...

  Homer : [pointing the laser at his eye]  Less yappin', more zappin'!

• Marge Simpson : [watching Lisa tap dance]  Wow, look at her go!

  Homer : Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off!

• Optometrist : Okay, let's get started.

  [turning off the lights, she hears him snoring] 

  Optometrist : Hey, wake up!

  Homer Simpson : What do you...? Oh, sorry.

  Optometrist : Now, read the first line.

  Homer Simpson : "I ate pee pee."

  [writing "I 8 PP", Bart laughs] 

  Homer Simpson : [strangling him]  Why, you little...!

  Optometrist : [switching lenses]  Better or worse?

  Homer Simpson : Worse!

  Optometrist : [switching them again]  Better or worse?

  Homer Simpson : *Much* better!

• Professor Frink : [Examining Lisa's self dancing shoes]  Jesus, Mary and Glavin! These shoes are in the 'Off' position!

  Lisa Simpson : You mean I danced all by myself?

  Marge Simpson : See, honey? All you needed was to believe...

  Homer Simpson : [Snatching the shoes from Professor Frink]  What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're *clearly* in the 'On' position. See? 'On'.

  [Shows them to Lisa. Her face falls] 

  Professor Frink : I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, ohhh! Well, now that I look even closer...

  Lisa Simpson : Forget it, Dad.