- [Writing a farewell letter to Mrs. Krabappel]
- Homer: Three simple words: "I am gay."
- Marge Simpson: Homer, for the last time, I am not putting that in!
- [the following is a montage of Homer and the swear jar]
- [In church. The salvation money is being collected. Homer takes out his wallet and gives them a dollar bill]
- Bart Simpson: Homer, that was a twenty.
- Homer: [yelling] Da - !
- [Homer puts coins in the swear jar]
- Homer: [At the bowling alley. The ball hits all pins. The last one is still jiggling around. Homer makes motions for the pin to fall. The pin stays straight]
- Homer: [yelling] Oh, you son of a - !
- [Homer puts more coins in the swear jar]
- Homer: [Homer is taking out the garbage. Flanders, shaved, talks to him from the fence]
- Ned Flanders: Homer. You know, I owe you one, buddy. No sooner had I shaved off the old cocky-duster than a lady cast me in a commercial.
- [collects the mail]
- Ned Flanders: I tell you, the way these checks keep coming in, it's almost criminal.
- Homer: [yelling] You dirty bas - !
- [Homer puts more coins in the swear jar]
- Homer: [Lisa is watching Homer build a doghouse]
- Homer: What do you think, Lisa?
- Lisa Simpson: How's the dog supposed to get in?
- Homer: Well, he just goes - Oh - !
- [Homer puts more coins in the swear jar]
- Homer: [Homer is outside, sleeping in a hammock. A beehive falls on him. The bees fly out] Aaah!
- [Homer puts more coins in the swear jar. This time, his arm is covered in bee stings]
- Homer: [Homer is outside, building the doghouse. He hits his finger]
- Homer: Aa - Oh, fudge. That's... broken.
- [gets up and steps on a nail, impaling his toe]
- Homer: Fiddle-dee-dee! That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN!
- [goes psycho and starts kicking the doghouse, destroying it]
- Lisa Simpson: Now we need to find a way to end it.
- Homer: How about, "with a love that will echo through the ages..."
- Lisa Simpson, Marge Simpson: Awww...
- Bart Simpson: Homer, you old honey dripper!
- Mrs. Krabappel: [sighs] Oh, Woodrow. How could you stand me up?
- Bart Simpson: Mrs. K, whoever this guy is, you don't need him. There are plenty of good men around.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Name one.
- Bart Simpson: What's wrong with Principal Skinner?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Seymour? Heh. Let's just say his mommy won't let him out to play.
- Bart Simpson: What about Coach Fortner?
- Mrs. Krabappel: [makes a drinking gesture] Glug, glug, glug, glug glug, glug, glug, glug.
- Bart Simpson: Wow... What about Groundskeeper Willie?
- Mrs. Krabappel: Gah! I'm not even gonna tell you what that guy's into! Bart, you are the closest thing to a man in my life... and that's so depressing, I think I'm gonna cry.
- [starts sobbing]
- Ned Flanders: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
- Rev. Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it? Asparagus?
- Ned Flanders: No, no, Reverend. The point is, he said a bad word.
- Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
- Ned Flanders: Where in the Bible?
- Rev. Lovejoy: Uh... page 900.
- Ned Flanders: [unconvinced] But, Reverend...
- [Rev. Lovejoy quickly hangs up]
- Elizabeth Hoover: I fail to see the educational value of this assembly.
- Mrs. Krabappel: Ah, it will be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumping gas for a living.
- [Writing a farewell love letter to Mrs. Krabappel]
- Bart Simpson: How about, "an alligator bit off my face."
- Marge Simpson: That's disgusting! And besides, if a woman really loves a man, she doesn't care if an alligator bites off his face.
- Homer: I may hold you to that, Marge.
- Mrs. Krabappel: [Bart accidentally killed the classroom fish with his yo-yo] Bart, that's one month's detention.
- Bart Simpson: Mrs Krabappel, we're all upset by the untimely deaths of Stinky and Wrinkles, but life goes on, so if I could just have my yo-yo back...
- Mrs. Krabappel: Bart, if I were you and you were me, would you give back the yo-yo?
- Bart Simpson: [Bart imagines himself as a giant with a yo-yo and Mrs Krabappel as a tiny person] Here you go.
- [he reels it in before she can grab it]
- Bart Simpson: Just kidding. Here you go.
- [does it again]
- Bart Simpson: Just kidding,
- [laughs evilly]
- Mrs. Krabappel: Well, would you?
- Bart Simpson: Absolutely.
- Mrs. Krabappel: HA!
- Mrs. Krabappel: After two months at sea the Pilgrims were running out of food and water. Yes, Nelson?
- Nelson Muntz: Did they have any yo-yos?
- Mrs. Krabappel: [annoyed] No, they did not have yo-yos.
- Mrs. Krabappel: [continues her lecture] When they landed they were greeted by the Wompanog lndians. Yes, Milhouse?
- Milhouse Van Houten: Did the indians have yo-yos?
- Mrs. Krabappel: [angrily agitated] No, they did not have yo-yos! I am sick and tired of talking about yo-yos. I will not accept any book reports, science projects, dioramas or anything else on yo-yos. Am I making myself clear?
- Bart Simpson: [in a sly tone] Yo!