- Squidward: That was disgusting! I feel like I need to scrub myself!
- [Goes to bathtub; finds Patrick inside]
- Squidward: Ahhhh!
- Patrick: Hey, buddy! I warmed it up for you!
- Squidward: Patrick! Get out! And put some clothes on!
- SpongeBob: [Peeking through the window] Something wrong, best friend? Oho, so this is what I find - my best friend and my ex-best friend and... rubber bath toys!
- Patrick: Hey, you're a turkey!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: What's that?
- Patrick: It's what you are!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah? Well, you're a bigger one!
- Patrick: Well, you're still yellow! And you know what else is yellow?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: What?
- Patrick: You are!
- Customer: Hey, I just got my license.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, I'm getting mine next.
- Customer: Hey, I doubt it.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mrs. Puff! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!...
- Mrs. Puff: Oh! I'm not ready.
- Patrick: What's pink and square at the same time?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know, Patrick.
- Patrick: [Wearing SpongeBob's pants] Patrick SquarePants!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward!
- Squidward: What?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready, Squidward!
- Squidward: Ready to move?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, ready to get my boating license.
- [Squidward drags Patrick out of his house, but because he's so heavy, the octopus throws out his back]
- Squidward: Oh-h, oh, my back! Agh, I threw out my back!
- SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Now's my chance!
- [He jumps out the window and starts running towards Squidward]
- Squidward: SpongeBob! No, no, stay back!
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward! I'm coming!
- Squidward: No! No, g-get away from me!
- SpongeBob: Hang on! I'll save you!
- [He tears off his clothes to reveal red swimming pants underneath. Squidward starts shuffling towards his house]
- Squidward: No! No, no, no. Get away from me. No, no.
- [SpongeBob jumps onto a diving board and springs into the air, launching himself at Squidward]
- SpongeBob: Hold on!
- Squidward: No! No! Get away!
- [He yells. SpongeBob bounces off of Squidward's rear]
- Squidward: Ow! Oh, I'm ruined! I-I'm-I'm... I feel... great. Thanks, SpongeBob! You're a real friend.
- [SpongeBob beams broadly]
- SpongeBob: Friend...
- Squidward: Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that, no, no.
- Barnacle Boy: You're ruining us!
- Mermaid Man: Must... answer...
- SpongeBob: Guess what Squidward? Guess what, Squidward?
- [both SpongeBob and Patrick hold each others' hips in a friendly way]
- Patrick: Me and SpongeBob are friends again!
- Squidward: Great, now go be friends somewhere else.
- SpongeBob: Don't you want us to help you clean this up a little?
- Squidward: No! Out!
- [Both SpongeBob and Patrick walk out]
- SpongeBob: Psst, I think he's jealous.
- Patrick: How pathetic.
- Squidward: [Squidward shuts door hard and when he turns around as a bubble comes and pops on the door which causes the door to fall on his back] Ohhhhh, my back!