Full House (TV Series)

Driving Miss D.J. (1992)

John Stamos: Jesse Katsopolis

Quotes 

• Becky : Sweetheart, lots of babies are bald.

  Jesse : Not me. When I was born, the doctor smacked my butt and gave me a blow dryer.

• Jesse : [D.J. wants to learn to drive with Danny]  Hey, Danny, come on. I'm sure when you were 15 you were dyin' to get behind the wheel of your mom's Pacer.

  Danny : Not me. I was perfectly happy taking the bus. And my dates were very impressed with the extra leg room.

• Danny : I just got back from taking D.J. to her written test. It's horrible.

  Jesse : She failed, huh?

  D.J. : [runs in]  I PASSED!

  Kimmy Gibbler : [comes in behind her]  I failed! I can't believe it! I copied every one of D.J.'s answers!

  Jesse : Kimmy, they give everyone different tests so nobody can cheat.

  Kimmy Gibbler : They do? Well that's what's wrong with this world, nobody trusts anyone.

• D.J. : [Danny and Jesse are arguing]  Hey, if you two won't behave, I'll turn this car right around and go straight home.

  Danny : Sorry.

  D.J. : Okay. Signal. Check my mirror. Look over my shoulder. And pull out into traffic for the very first time. I'm really driving!

  Jesse : Pretty good, huh, Danny?

  Danny : Yeah, I'm actually feeling good about this.

  D.J. : Can I turn on the radio?

  Danny , Jesse : No.

• Jesse : Okay, Deej, what've you learned so far?

  D.J. : To check for cows and secure the litter bag.

  Jesse : Oh great, if a cow needs to throw away a piece of gum, we'll be good.

• Danny : I don't know, Deej, are you sure you want to learn to drive by a guy dressed like a pirate?

  Jesse : It's a do-rag, and it's gone, alright? I can teach her to drive.