Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (1991)

Joel Hodgson: Joel Robinson

Quotes 

• Crow T. Robot : [Joel and Crow shout in horror as Tom explodes in the theater]  IT'S ALL OVER THE SEAT!

  Joel Robinson : Gotta get him outta here! Come on, Crow!

• Joel Robinson : [Joel emerges from the theater carrying Tom, who's head has apparently exploded]  TOM SERVO! OH MY GOD! TOM SERVO'S DEAD! He's dying! It must've been that movie! Oh man! We're losing him!

  Crow T. Robot : [on Shatner mode]  A robot watches a bad film. It renders him unconscious. Next--on-- "Emergency 9-1-1"

  [gets slapped in the beak by Joel] 

  Joel Robinson : Crow, ya gotta snap outta Shatner and help me! It means the life of our friend, Tom Servo!

  Crow T. Robot : [still acting like Shatner]  But I must finish Tek-Wars of Venusia... must direct Star Trek 9: The Search For Spock's Intelligence!

  [Breaking character] 

  Crow T. Robot : Hooker's a good cop! Whoa! He's a good--

  [gets slapped in the chin again] 

  Joel Robinson : Crow, you listen to me and you listen good! I need ya to snap out of Shatner! I need you here now! Our friend's life hangs in the balance!

  Crow T. Robot : [sobbing]  I'm sorry Joel, I didn't know...

  Joel Robinson : [hugs crow]  I know, man, I know... but we gotta get our little buddy out of the bone orchard, okay? Listen, I need you to run along, get the defibulator, and I'm gonna try to get our brother Tommy out of the badlands...

  Crow T. Robot : Okay, alright...

  Joel Robinson : [to Tom]  C'mon, man, come on back, we're all pulling for ya, buddy...

  Crow T. Robot : Hey Joel, is the defibulator the thing that looks like the vacuum cleaner or the thing that looks like the battery charger?

  Joel Robinson : It's the thing that looks like the battery charger! Now, would you get it together, man, and get out here, it means Tom Servo's life!

  [Crow arrives with the defibulator] 

  Joel Robinson : Okay, hold on, buddy, it's coming!

  [Grabs the two probes from the defibulator] 

  Joel Robinson : Come on home, Tom! Come on back, buddy! CLEAR!

  Crow T. Robot : Clear, clear...

  [Joel applies the probes to Tom's chest. Zap. He listens for a heartbeat] 

  Joel Robinson : Nothing! CLEAR!

  Crow T. Robot : Clear, clear...

  [Joel zaps him again. He listens for a heartbeat] 

  Joel Robinson : He's coming back! He's coming back!

  [Tom starts coughing and shaking] 

  Crow T. Robot : Come on, Tommy!

  Tom Servo : [acting like Harey Carey]  Sean Duncan up to the plate now... beautiful day here at Wrigley Field, boy, lemme tell ya! Perfect for an ice cold Budweiser! And you know, Lincoln Carpeting...

  [Tom shakes his head] 

  Tom Servo : Joel! Crow! What the heck happened to me?

  Joel Robinson : It's okay, buddy, you're among the living now.

  Tom Servo : Whoa! That was weird. I was walking down a long hallway and at the end of it, there was a bright light and a kind man with a beard reaching his hand out to me, beckoning me, and he looked at me as I got closer and he said..."Hey Buddy, can ya spare some change, I want a cup of coffee!" Ha-ha!

  [Tom starts laughing; Joel and Crow are appalled] 

  Joel Robinson : Oh, everything's a joke to you, that's great. We got commercial sign.

  Crow T. Robot : [annoyed]  We shoulda let you die.

  Tom Servo : Ah, life!