Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Red Zone Cuba (1994)

Trace Beaulieu: Crow T. Robot, Dr. Clayton Forrester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Crow T. Robot : I want to hurt this movie but I can never hurt it in the ways that it has hurt me.

• Crow T. Robot : Well, aside from the fact that I might never be able to experience joy again, I didn't think this movie was that bad.

• Crow T. Robot : John Carradine makes Keith Richards look dewy.

• [during the screening of "Night Train to Mundo Fine"] 

  Crow T. Robot : Well, they sure aren't wasting any precious screen time on the *plot*!

• [about John Carradine] 

  Crow T. Robot : Is he *always* 100 years old?

• [watching Night Train to Mundo Fine] 

  Crow T. Robot : Nothing's happening *so* fast!

• [watching Night Train to Mundo Fine] 

  Crow T. Robot : [as Griffin]  If I get any happier, I might just *kill* myself!

• Crow T. Robot : Those sure were some tasty frog legs, huh?

• [a gigantic jump cut occurs early on in the movie] 

  Crow T. Robot : Whoops! There we go again.

• [referring to Griffin, Cook and Landis] 

  Crow T. Robot : Remember when everyone used to dress up like these guys?

• [the incredibly ugly Cherokee Jack is introduced] 

  Mike Nelson : Ah, another Hollywood pretty boy.

  Crow T. Robot : Take a long second and get used to this face.

• Crow T. Robot : Make sure your parting is gouged into your skull

• Crow T. Robot : You know, aside from the fact that I'll never experience joy in my life, I don't think Red Zone Cuba had any kind of negative effect on me.

  Mike Nelson : Yeah, even being Carol Channing didn't shield me from the effect of this one.

  Tom Servo : Well, hey! I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up! Let's sing us a bouncy, upbeat song! Okay?

  Crow T. Robot : That's a great idea!

  Mike Nelson : Okay!

  Tom Servo : Hit it, Cambot!

  [singing] 

  Tom Servo : Whenever I want to cry and bawl, Because I'm feeling sad, I think of ironing boards and drywall, And then I don't feel so bad!

  Crow T. Robot : [singing]  Whenever I'm feeling down and blue, And sorry for myself, I get some staples and some glue, And I'm happy as an elf!

  Mike Nelson : [singing] 

  [singing] 

  Mike Nelson : Whenever I start to mope and pout, And there's nothing left in my soul, I check the toilet paper and if we're out, I buy another roll!

  Gypsy : [singing]  Have you ever touched a Post-it Note? Have you ever looked at boots? Have you ever sat down in a chair? Have you ever used a paper clip?

  Crow T. Robot : [singing]  So if you listen to our advice,

  Tom Servo : [singing]  And you wanna feel terrific!

  Gypsy : [singing]  Do things that make you feel nice,

  Mike Nelson : [singing]  I wish we could be more specific!