Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Red Zone Cuba (1994)

Michael J. Nelson: Mike Nelson

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Upon seeing Coleman Francis in "Red Zone Cuba"] 

  Mike Nelson : Coleman Francis is Curly Howard in "The Fugitive".

  Crow : [as Curly]  Hey, Moe.

• Mike Nelson : You know, your everyday annoyances should *not be filmed*!

• Mike Nelson : [as police search dog] 

  [sniffs] 

  Mike Nelson : It smells like Coleman Francis in here!

• [Griffin, played by director Coleman Francis, is taken captive by Cuban soldiers] 

  Mike Nelson : [as Cuban soldier]  The Yankees will pay highly for you, Señor Francis.

• [a small handful of mercenaries are storming the beaches of Cuba] 

  Mike Nelson : Man, can you imagine being Castro and seeing that force swarming up at you?

• Mike Nelson : [as John Carradine]  How does that fit ya, fancy pants?

• [as Castro, writing a note] 

  Mike Nelson : Get real beard.

• Cook : My name's Cook. That's Landis. We been up the river.

  [Cook laughs oddly] 

  Mike Nelson : [as Cook]  That's my little joke.

• [the incredibly ugly Cherokee Jack is introduced] 

  Mike Nelson : Ah, another Hollywood pretty boy.

  Crow T. Robot : Take a long second and get used to this face.

• Crow T. Robot : You know, aside from the fact that I'll never experience joy in my life, I don't think Red Zone Cuba had any kind of negative effect on me.

  Mike Nelson : Yeah, even being Carol Channing didn't shield me from the effect of this one.

  Tom Servo : Well, hey! I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up! Let's sing us a bouncy, upbeat song! Okay?

  Crow T. Robot : That's a great idea!

  Mike Nelson : Okay!

  Tom Servo : Hit it, Cambot!

  [singing] 

  Tom Servo : Whenever I want to cry and bawl, Because I'm feeling sad, I think of ironing boards and drywall, And then I don't feel so bad!

  Crow T. Robot : [singing]  Whenever I'm feeling down and blue, And sorry for myself, I get some staples and some glue, And I'm happy as an elf!

  Mike Nelson : [singing] 

  [singing] 

  Mike Nelson : Whenever I start to mope and pout, And there's nothing left in my soul, I check the toilet paper and if we're out, I buy another roll!

  Gypsy : [singing]  Have you ever touched a Post-it Note? Have you ever looked at boots? Have you ever sat down in a chair? Have you ever used a paper clip?

  Crow T. Robot : [singing]  So if you listen to our advice,

  Tom Servo : [singing]  And you wanna feel terrific!

  Gypsy : [singing]  Do things that make you feel nice,

  Mike Nelson : [singing]  I wish we could be more specific!