The Simpsons (TV Series)

Mountain of Madness (1997)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa

Quotes 

• Bart : Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?

  Homer : Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think we have to go to the retreat anyway.

• Homer : You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.

  Mr. Burns : Yes, but I'd trade it all for a little more.

• Homer : [praying]  Dear Lord, protect this rocket house and all those who dwell within the rocket house.

• Mr. Burns : Is it supposed to take this long? What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the entire plant?

  Smithers : 45 seconds.

  Mr. Burns : And what's our time so far?

  Smithers : I don't know, sir. This stopwatch only goes up to fifteen minutes.

  Mr. Burns : Damn nation! What kind of slowcoaches do I have working for me?

  [Homer exits and barricades the door] 

  Mr. Burns : Ah, there's one of our fellows now.

  Homer Simpson : I think I won, Mr. Burns.

  Mr. Burns : Yes, you won, all right. You won more than you bargained for.

  Homer Simpson : Whoo hoo!

• Homer Simpson : So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about "teamwork". Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.

  Bart Simpson : Teamwork is overrated.

  Homer Simpson : Huh?

  Bart Simpson : Think about it. I mean, what "team" was Babe Ruth on? Who knows?

  Marge Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Yankees.

• Homer : They're only snowmen, Mr Burns.

  Mr. Burns : Oh, snowmen have peepers! Peepers to watch...

  Homer : What do we do?

  Mr. Burns : Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

• Mr. Burns : What a disgraceful display. I've seen more orderly behavior in a Ritz Brothers film. You all need a serious lesson in teamwork.

  Carl : [jabbing his thumb at Lenny]  Well, maybe he does, but I don't.

  Lenny : Hey, you take that back.

  Carl : No, you take that back!

  Homer Simpson : [they start fist-fighting]  Hit him, Carl! You too, Lenny!

• [Homer and Mr. Burns sit on opposite sides of the cabin, glaring into each other's eyes] 

  C. Montgomery Burns : [thinking]  I'm trapped with a madman. Look at him, staring into me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts.

  Homer Simpson : [thinking]  Oh, look at his eyes. He's trying to hypnotise me, but not in the good, Las Vegas way.

  C. Montgomery Burns : [gasps]  I know what he's up to. He's thinking of killing me, then riding my carcass down the mountain to safety. He's truly gone mad if he's thinking that. Well, he can't kill me if I kill him first!

  [grabs a fireplace poker as they both stand up] 

  C. Montgomery Burns : I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!

  Homer Simpson : You and what army?

  [six ghostly snowman soldiers appear behind Mr. Burns] 

• C. Montgomery Burns : We must be covered by a thousand feet of snow.

  Homer Simpson : It could be *days* before they find us!

  C. Montgomery Burns : No books, no radio, no board games... Ah! A Bazooka Joe comic!

  [scoffs] 

  C. Montgomery Burns : I heard that one 75 years ago.

  Homer Simpson : We could build snowmen.

  C. Montgomery Burns : No, I have a better idea. We could build *real* men *out of* snow.

  Homer Simpson : Oh... OK?

• [Homer and Mr. Burns sit down low in chairs with their feet upon the table] 

  C. Montgomery Burns : [sighs deeply]  The only hard part... is getting up.

  Homer Simpson : [chuckles]  Why get up? Here's a move I've been tinkering with.

  [points to the other end of the table] 

  Homer Simpson : Say I want that bowl of dip.

  C. Montgomery Burns : Why, you'd have to get up!

  Homer Simpson : Oh?

  [Homer kicks down on the table, causing the bowl of dip to move towards him until he catches it in his open palm] 

  C. Montgomery Burns : [very impressed]  Sir! I am in your debt.

  Homer Simpson : Use it wisely, my friend.

  [they toast their champagne glasses; the sound echoes and accidentally causes an avalanche, trapping them inside the cabin]