- George Lopez: A stressed-out bride is nothing. At the factory, I work with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers, and I'm not just talking about my mom. There's other people like that there too.
- Benny: We never had wedding planners. All you had to do was get to Vegas, say your vows at the drive-thru chapel, and be on your way.
- George Lopez: Well, Brooke's situation is a little different than yours, Mom. First of all, she's not a minor, she's not pregnant, and she knows the last name of the guy she's marrying.
- Benny: I knew his last name. I just didn't know he was going to be using it for his other family, too.
- Brooke: Everyone else has quit on me. All the good wedding planners are taken. You're my last option.
- George Lopez: It's not the first time I've been a girl's last option, and like all the other times, I'll take it.
- Brooke: [to George] So, this is the first wedding you've ever planned?
- George Lopez: Yeah, and you're wearing a white dress. So we both stretch the truth a little.
- Ernie: [seeing George making wedding invitations] How long have you been at this?
- George Lopez: Six hours. Would've been done faster, but every five minutes or so, I have to look down my pants to remind myself I'm still a man.
- Max Lopez: Mom's planning a huge wedding, so Dad is doing the cooking and laundry. That's why I'm hungry and going commando.
- Brooke: [about the color on wedding invitations] You said I could have the wedding of my dreams and in the wedding of my dreams, the ribbon is champagne!
- George Lopez: When do you dream? You're never asleep!
- Ernie: [looking over the wedding invitations] Didn't you make these yesterday?
- George Lopez: Yeah, but I had to redo them all because Brooke doesn't want to get married on March 29th. She wants to get married on the 29th of March!