Lady Magdalene's (2008)

Ethan Keogh: Jack Goldwater

Quotes 

• Angel : How do I know I can trust you?

  Jack Goldwater : Hey, I work for the IRS. Who doesn't trust the IRS?

• Senator Red Kensington : So let me get this straight, Agent Goldwater. All it took for you to conclude that an Arabic-looking man was an al Qaeda terrorist was that he was carrying a violin case that had already cleared airport security and that he was watching a Tom Clancy movie? And we're not supposed to think that you had racially profiled this innocent performing artist the moment you set eyes on him?

  Jack Goldwater : Senator, my tactical assessment was based on a confluence of factors...

  Senator Red Kensington : But you want me to believe that if another airline passenger carrying a violin case and watching an American movie had been blond and blue-eyed, you would not have profiled him as having smuggled a weapon or a bomb aboard this domestic flight between St. Louis and Las Vegas, and pounced on him as if he'd just walked out of a meeting with Osama bin Laden?

• IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein : I assigned two previous agents to the job I'm giving you. The first agent was a Sunday school teacher and married man. Now his wife is divorcing him... his church fired him... he quit his job here... and the last I heard he joined the Branch Davidians.

  Jack Goldwater : Yikes. And the second agent?

  IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein : I tried a female agent the next time. She came to us from the ATF. She also left the IRS after being given this assignment. Frankly, I don't know what happened to her.

  Jack Goldwater : Sir, where are you sending me? To audit the Scientologists?

  IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein : That would be easy by comparison. I'm sending you to Pahrump.

• Nurse Gretchen : Hi, I'm Nurse Gretchen. I'd love to give you a sponge bath.

  Scheherazade : I'm Scheherazade. Let me tell you of the thousand and second night.

  Pixie : I'm Pixie. Let me sprinkle my magic all over you.

  Sinead : I'm Sinead, and I've broken all the rules.

  Eden : I'm Eden... and I'd love to show you my garden.

  Angel : I'm Angel. Like to try a few falls with me?

  Jack Goldwater : Hi, I'm Jack. I'm from the government... and I'm here to help you.