- Matthew Brock: I even understand National Public Radio.
- Dave Nelson: You understand everything they say?
- Matthew Brock: No, I understand that it's boring crap masquerading as bourgeois intellectual discourse and, therefore, not worth my time.
- Max: Listen, I have something to tell you and it's not very easy and I would just like to sit down. Lisa doesn't have a crush on me, and that was just a big stupid lie that I made up because I want to tell how much I really feel about you.
- Beth: Oh, so you just lie to me over and over and over?
- Max: Sort of.
- Beth: Why?
- Max: Because I was embarrassed.
- Beth: Max, Max, you didn't need to be embarrassed.
- Max: Well then, do you forgive me?
- Beth: Not a chance in hell you LOSER!
- Lisa: So how did that go?
- Max: Not very well.
- Lisa: That's OK, Beth doesn't stay really mad for long.
- Beth: I hate you and I hope you get run over by a bus!
- Max Lewis: I don't want her to think I'm pathetic.
- Lisa Miller: You are pathetic.
- Max Lewis: Well, obviously!
- Lisa Miller: One, don't ever kiss me again. Two, don't ever kiss me again. And three, don't ever kiss me again!
- Dave Nelson: Joe, what did I tell you about experimenting on Matthew?
- Joe Garrelli: Come on, it's not like I'm testing cosmetics on him.
- Dave Nelson: Not any more.