The Promotion (2008)

John C. Reilly: Richard Wehlner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard : We're all just out here trying to get some food... sometimes, we bump into each other.

• [Richard explains to the board of directors the sign that cited the deli clerk as employee of the month for "cutting the cheese."] 

  Richard : 'Cutting the cheese' simply means 'cutting the actual cheese'. It doesn't have a double-thing? So I just missed it. Because in Canada, it's 'cracking'.

  Mitch : The expression.

  Richard : It's 'cracking', in Canada, yeah. We crack the cheese.

  [Long pause between Richard and the board of directors] 

  Richard : Cracking it? Cracking the cheese? So I simply, really believed that Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award... for cutting the actual cheese. I'm sorry.

  [Another long pause as a board member writes Richard's comments] 

  Richard : I simply believed Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award...

  Mitch : I heard you the first time.

• [During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads] 

  Retreat Leader : I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on.

  [Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head] 

  Retreat Leader : Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away!

  [Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh] 

  Retreat Leader : Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on!

  [Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh] 

  Retreat Leader : Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary.

  [Richard turns to his right] 

  Richard : Doug, can we take our sack off?

  Doug Stauber : What?

  [Everyone bursts in laughter] 

  Richard : Did you take your sack off?

  Doug Stauber : I can't really hear you.

  Retreat Leader : If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!

  Richard : [whispers]  Fuck!

  [Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else] 

  Retreat Leader : Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.

  Richard : My concentration skills need improvement!

  [Everyone bursts into laughter] 

• [after giving his apology speech at a community center following his incident with a gang at the supermarket, Doug meets with Richard, the board of directors and the community leaders] 

  First Community Leader : I think everybody is feeling pretty good about it.

  Richard : Yeah.

  First Community Leader : It's isolated.

  Richard : Oh yeah, it's a one-time thing.

  First Community Leader : What's that?

  Richard : I agree, it's isolated. I think it was just some 'black apples'. We won't be seeing that happen again.

  [Long pause between everyone] 

  First Community Leader : Black apples.

  Richard : What's that?

  First Community Leader : You said, 'black apples'?

  [Another long pause] 

  Richard : I said bad ones...?

  First Community Leader : The fuck you said bad.

  Richard : Bad apples?

  First Community Leader : You said black.

  Richard : I'm sorry if there's some confusion. Maybe in the confusion, I...

  Mitch : Hey, come on. It's been a long day. That was a slip.

  First Community Leader : This is a lot of shit.

  Richard : You are not a black apple to me. I said, that possibly, there was one black one in the batch, not you. And I didn't mean to say black. I meant 'back'... 'blatch', blah... 'blapples'.

  [Long pause between everyone] 

  First Community Leader : Where'd you get this fucker?

  [the community leaders walk away as Mitch follows them] 

  Mitch : Let's catch up outside. I'll hit you with some gift certificates.

• Richard : [to Donnie Wahls]  Hey, good luck... because you're gonna' need it.

• [Richard struggles to assemble a ship in a bottle while his motivational tape plays in the background] 

  Motivational Speaker : Have you ever seen an eagle blow his top? Do your best to keep your cool.

  Richard : Stay loose...

  [the ship tips over when Richard places his tweezers near it] 

  Richard : Fuck!

  Motivational Speaker : Every life has its frustrations, but be careful not to let them get the best of you in front of your family. Instead of curses, find a more family-friendly way to express life's frustrations.

  [Richard drops his tweezers inside the bottle, causing him to get up in anger] 

  Richard : Fuck you! Ship fuck! Asshole ship! Seven seas fucker! Jolly fucker!

  Lori Wehlner : For Christ's sake...

  Richard : No one can do that! It's impossible! Not even a guy with tiny hands! Not even a guy with a child's hands! Fuck that!

• Hardy : Hey, Mr. Wehlner.

  Richard : Hey, Hardy. How are you doing?

  Hardy : I'm doing good.

  Richard : What did you do last night?

  Hardy : I went to the movies with my sister.

  Richard : You did?

  Hardy : Yeah.

  Richard : That sounds awesome.

  Hardy : Guess what?

  Richard : What?

  Hardy : I'm growing a mustache.

  Richard : All right. That's cool.

  [offers a handshake] 

  Richard : Hey, Hardy, you're doing a great job at the store here.

  Hardy : Thanks.

  Richard : Keep it up.

  [as Hardy walks away, Richard feels his right hand after shaking it with Hardy and gives an uneasy look on his face. Doug sees this and approaches him] 

  Doug Stauber : What's going on?

  Richard : Oh, nothing. Just... Hardy. It just gets sad, sometimes. Do you know why Hardy's hand is powdered?

  Doug Stauber : Why?

  Richard : These retarded guys... masturbate so much that they rub the skin off their penises. They don't know better, and that they have a hard time not jerking off.

  [Mitch and the board of directors appear behind Richard] 

  Richard : Hey!

  [Richard walks away as Mitch approaches Doug. He watches the conversation from a distance] 

  Mitch : Was he talking about jerking off in the store?

• Richard : You hear that guy? 'Where'd you get this fucker?' Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe he's right.

  Lori Wehlner : You, you just... you said, 'blapples', hon. It was weird.