- Jerry Ferro: You guys sure seem to love Nicaragua except for the part where you risked your lives not to live there any more.
- Oswaldo Sanchez: Jerry! Jerry! Wake up, man! You missing the tryouts, man!
- Jerry Ferro: [sleeping] I'll do the Olympics next time...
- Jerry Ferro: Do you have taquitos?
- Roach Coach Lady: Taquitos?
- Jerry Ferro: Hey, if you said spaghetti I wouldn't be confused. Taquitos!
- Coach Bell: So what are you?
- Jerry Ferro: Well, up until 2 hours ago, I was a carpenter.
- Coach Bell: So you still have your amateur status?
- Jerry Ferro: Not as a carpenter.
- Coach Bell: You know, I've seen guys like you before. You're one of those 95 percenters who never quite gives it everything he's got.
- Jerry Ferro: Actually, I'm a 75 percenter who's giving **you** an extra 20 percent.
- Coach Bell: Get out of here.
- Jerry Ferro: What are you building?
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Storage shed.
- Jerry Ferro: What are you siding it with?
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: T-111.
- Jerry Ferro: ...You gotta be careful with that T-111. You wanna get the margins right, you know. They have a T&G joint. Wanna get it just right.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: If by T&G you mean tongue and groove, you're wrong. The T-111 has a shiplap seam.
- Jerry Ferro: I'm pretty sure it's T&G. I've worked with it a lot.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: No. No. It's shiplap.
- Jerry Ferro: Well, let's talk foundation bolting. What are you holding the bottom plate down to the slab with.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Redheads.
- Jerry Ferro: Oh, you're going with wedge anchors. Yeah, I'd go with J bolts. I'd put 'em in when the slab was wet. That way, I wouldn't have to bust out the roto hammer.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Well, if I was going with a footing, I'd use the J bolts but we have a 4-inch slab, so...
- Jerry Ferro: [arrogantly] Cut corners, people get hurt.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: It's a tool shed. It's not an underground parking structure.
- Jerry Ferro: [mock outrage] Okay. We're in earthquake country. I don't know if you heard.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: So what you building...
- Jerry Ferro: ...I'm building a deck for my lady...
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: What you screwing it off with, deckers?
- Jerry Ferro: No, using 16-penny galvanized common heads.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: Oh, you get a hell of a lot more grab with a core-stripped bugle head zinc drywall screw.
- Jerry Ferro: I hit.690 in the Van Nuys Unlimited Arc League.
- Woman Who Argues With Jerry: All-American, Arizona state.
- Jerry Ferro: Ozzie!
- Oswaldo Sanchez: Yeah?
- Jerry Ferro: [Quietly] Let's get those uh... Let's get those drywall screws.
- Jerry Ferro: Look at these kids, they look pissed off that they're not at Disneyland. I would sue my parents if they took me here.
- Jerry Ferro: [opening voice over] They say you should never let go of your dreams. But if your dream is to be a Mouseketeer, and you're 45, you may want to let that one go. On the other hand, if your dream is to be a Wal-Mart greeter, you can hang on to that baby until like a year after you die. Me? I don't even know what my dream is, but it's all right. I've got time. I won't be turning forty for another...
- [alarm clock begins beeping]
- Jerry Ferro: Ugh! I just turned forty.
- Jerry Ferro: That's good. Take that energy, take that hostility and harness it. Use it. You've got the Eye of the Asshole, my brother.
- Jerry Ferro: I'd have kicked your ass but calling me middle class is about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
- Jerry Ferro: I don't know. I've seen some of those guys. They're pretty ripped.
- Jeff: Come on, you think I'm gonna lose to a guy who enters the ring to Barbara Streisand?
- Jerry Ferro: Uhh, I think you'd lose to Barbara Streisand.
- Malice Blake: That was a slip, motherfucker! Don't go saying you knocked Malice Blake to the canvas.
- Jerry Ferro: [Turns to face Malice Blake's entourage] Did you fellas see me knock Malice Blake to the canvas?
- Coach Bell: This guy was not the number one ranked amateur five years ago for nothing.
- Jerry Ferro: What's he been doing for the last five years?
- Coach Bell: He's been doing five years.
- Jerry Ferro: He'll be punched out by the tenth round, coach.
- Oswaldo Sanchez: It's only a four-round fight.
- Jerry Ferro: Oh, thank Christ, 'cause I'm gassed.
- Jerry Ferro: But it's Saturday.
- Lindsay Pratt: Crime doesn't take weekends off, I'm afraid.
- Jerry Ferro: You're so butch.