Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006 Video Game)

Philip Michael Thomas: Lance Vance

Quotes 

• Vic Vance : [Finds Lance searching the house]  Lance! Lance, get over here and explain yourself!

  Lance Vance : Shhh!

  Vic Vance : Stop acting like a child!

  Lance Vance : Shhh!

  Vic Vance : Don't you shush me!

  Lance Vance : [Speaking in a hushed tone]  Keep your voice down.

  Vic Vance : No! You can barely tie your own shoelaces and you're telling me how to behave?

  Lance Vance : [Yelling]  Will you shut up, you stupid gorilla? The place is bugged! The DEA is onto us! Happy now?

• Lance Vance : This is the Lance Vance Dance!

• Lance Vance : Hey, Vic. Like the new threads?

  Vic Vance : Terrifying. I need to use the phone

  [Calls Martinez] 

  Jerry Martinez : Yeah?

  Vic Vance : Thanks for the coke, Martinez. Now you know how it feels to get fucked.

  Jerry Martinez : Oh, you fucked us both, Vic. That coke you ripped off belonged to the Mendez brothers. I was just the shepherd. Now we're all on their shit list and the only way off is in a fucking bag. I'm turning states. I'm gonna ruin you, you brother, Mendez, everyone! Happy Holidays.

  Vic Vance : [Hangs up and turn to Lance]  Lance! You useless degenerate asshole!

• Vic Vance : Do you think we can trust Diaz?

  Lance Vance : My man Diaz is a businessman.

  Vic Vance : Great. That's a "no" then.

• Vic Vance : [finds Louise dying from two gunshot wounds to the torso, and Lance unconscious]  Louise!

  Louise Cassidy- Williams : [dying]  Hey... Vic... You came for me... No one ever really did much for me before... That's... sweet of you.

  Vic Vance : Hey, hey, come on, listen... Let's get you to a hospital

  Louise Cassidy- Williams : I don't think... There's much point in that.

  Vic Vance : Come on, Louise.

  Louise Cassidy- Williams : We could've had... Something special.

  Vic Vance : Yeah. No, we did have something special.

  Louise Cassidy- Williams : Make sure Mary-Jo takes care of my baby.

  [Louise dies] 

  Vic Vance : Oh, Louise...

  [Vic breaks down and cries over Louise's body] 

  Vic Vance : Louise...

  [Vic finally gets up and starts walking away. Lance regains consciousness and spots him] 

  Lance Vance : Hey, Vic, I know you cared about her, man. But she wasn't right for you.

  [Vic stops in his tracks for a moment, then shakes his head in disgust and walks away] 

  Lance Vance : Vic... Hey, Vic... Family is what matters... Oh, damn.

  [Lance gets up and starts limping away] 

  Lance Vance : Alright... Alright... Okay, I'm gonna make it. I can make it. I know I can, man...

• Lance Vance : One more Lance Vance Chance!

  Vic Vance : Laaaance, you prick!

• Vic Vance : Hey, watch the road!

  Lance Vance : [Both scream in unison after Lance hits a jump]  OH, SHIIIIIIIIIIT!

  Vic Vance : OH, SHIIIIIIIIIIT!

• Lance Vance : I'm just too pretty to die!

• Lance Vance : Hey, bro! Ha, ha!

  Vic Vance : Lance?

  Lance Vance : Hey!

  Vic Vance : What are you doing here?

  Lance Vance : You don't sound so pleased!

  Vic Vance : I'm not so pleased.

  Lance Vance : Thanks, bro. Who was you expecting? What a greeting, man.

  Vic Vance : Not you. Someone useful.

  Lance Vance : So, what am I? A handicap, huh? Your dumbass, lowlife, no-good brother?

  Vic Vance : Something like that.

  Lance Vance : Yeah? Well, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the Army.

  Vic Vance : No, you're the asshole who got kicked out of the Boy Scouts.

  Lance Vance : Oh, come on, man. I come all this way to see you and you treat me like I got herpes.

  Vic Vance : Maybe that's because your whole life, you've gotten us into trouble.

  Lance Vance : Oh, give me a break, man! I've changed!

  Vic Vance : [pause]  Okay, I'll give you a chance. One chance!

  Lance Vance : Oh, yeah, yeah! Hey, come here, man!

  [Hugs Vic] 

  Lance Vance : You won't regret it, baby! I love you, man! And love can change the world. But Vic...

  Lance Vance : What?

  Lance Vance : [In mock seriousness]  I have got herpes.

  Vic Vance : [Pushes Lance away]  Get off me, man! Just get in the damn car!

  Lance Vance : Ha, ha, ha! I'm just kidding!

• Vic Vance : [Lance and Vic discover their mom took all their coke]  So what do we do now, moron?

  Lance Vance : Wait, wait, wait. Let me think. I know we can make it right! We'll just... uh, uh... We'll explain things to the Mendez brothers.

  Vic Vance : Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that between chopping us up and feeding us to their dogs, they'll be very understanding! Lance, if we get out of this, I'm gonna KILL YOU! Asshole!

• Lance Vance : I'm the black killa from Manila! The Manila Blilla!

  Vic Vance : You're a blidiot. Now shut up.

• Armando Mendez : So, you are finished.

  Vic Vance : Yeah.

  Armando Mendez : Diego, they are finished.

  Diego Mendez : Buenos.

  Armando Mendez : And none of us dead. The civilized life of gentlemen. We have our money, so you are free. You must leave town, of course, and give us control of your other interests.

  Vic Vance : What?

  Armando Mendez : But you, your families, no one will die. This is fair.

  Lance Vance : Fair? Oh, yeah, if you think getting screwed in the ass and then paying for it is fair, then it sounds like a great deal.

  Armando Mendez : I find your attitude and your language terribly distasteful.

  Diego Mendez : Maricon...

  Vic Vance : Hey, hold on, hold on, listen, Mr. Mendez. Listen, I... WE have done a lot of things for you. We kept up our end of the bargain, and now you want us to give up our interests?

  Armando Mendez : You came to my town, you run around like a maniac, you bring the police and the DEA into my life, and now I want you gone. You're very lucky you're not dead.

  Lance Vance : Argh...

  Vic Vance : Hey, listen, I made a ton of money for you. Money I didn't lose.

  Armando Mendez : And now... you're done.

  Lance Vance : Aw...

  Armando Mendez : You're obsolete.

• Lance Vance : [to Vic, as the two of them are being shot at by Cholos]  Do you have any friends in this town?

• Lance Vance : Try to keep up, man. I'm a baaad driver!

  Vic Vance : You said it.

• Ricardo Diaz : How was she?

  Lance Vance : Yeah, good.

  Ricardo Diaz : She knows a lot of tricks for such a young girl, eh?

  Vic Vance : Lance, you're pathetic.

  Ricardo Diaz : Yeah, Quentin. Only took you three minutes.

• Vic Vance : We should spread out an cover as much ground as we can. Let me know if you need any help.

  Lance Vance : Wait up. I'm gonna need some serious artillery for this gig.

  [Takes an M4 out of the car's trunk] 

  Lance Vance : Hello, Mr. M4! M for Motherfucker!

• Lance Vance : [Lying on the couch with a hangover]  Oh, man. What month is it? Did I do anything stupid in the last few days?

  Vic Vance : Stupid? Oh, no. You passed stupid and kept on going, straight on into fucked up!

• Vic Vance : [Drives Lance to his hotel]  Impressive! This place ain't cheap.

  Lance Vance : Ha, ha, ha! I wouldn't know. I told them to bill you.

• Lance Vance : [Repeated line]  Let's pop!

• Lance Vance : [Vic and Lance have fought off a gang of gay bikers]  Man, Forbes screwed us! Let's go back and screw him... Metaphorically speaking!

• Lance Vance : [Vic and Lance have captured two truckloads of drugs]  Rich at last! Rich at last! Thank God almighty, we are rich at last!

  Vic Vance : We haven't sold this shit yet.

  Lance Vance : We'd better. I've just bought us both fancy apartments. We're mortgaged to the hilt.

  Vic Vance : We're supposed to be getting out of this shit.

  Lance Vance : We are. But I gotta do it in style. I've got a reputation to uphold.

• Vic Vance : [Following one of Gonzalez's men from the Pole Position club]  How did you know he'd be there?

  Lance Vance : All the out-of-towners go there to get high and get laid. I did.

• Lance Vance : Hey, I'm sorry, Ricardo baby, but sometimes brothers get all alpha male on you. You know?

  Ricardo Diaz : I know. That's why I killed mine.