Dennis Burkley: Cal Pettie

Quotes 

• Fred G. Sanford : [Trying to get rid of Cal before Eve arrives]  Why don't you go to the movies? Why don't you see "Apocalypse Then"?

  Cal Pettie : You mean "Now"?

  Fred G. Sanford : I mean right now.

• Fred G. Sanford : Why look, Cal, you know that old saying, "Two's company and three's a crowd"?

  Cal Pettie : Yeah.

  Fred G. Sanford : Well, in your case, two's company and three's a cattle drive.

• Cal Pettie : [Drinking another glass of water for dinner]  Fred, all this water's makin' me crazy. It took me two hours to get out of the post office today. I had to get out of line six times to go to the bathroom!

• Cal Pettie : Obviously this diet don't work! It's a thyroid condition!

  Fred G. Sanford : Yeah, y'see, your thighs is pressin' your 'roids up in your stomach.