- Fred G. Sanford: [Trying to get rid of Cal before Eve arrives] Why don't you go to the movies? Why don't you see "Apocalypse Then"?
- Cal Pettie: You mean "Now"?
- Fred G. Sanford: I mean right now.
- Fred G. Sanford: Why look, Cal, you know that old saying, "Two's company and three's a crowd"?
- Cal Pettie: Yeah.
- Fred G. Sanford: Well, in your case, two's company and three's a cattle drive.
- Cal Pettie: [Drinking another glass of water for dinner] Fred, all this water's makin' me crazy. It took me two hours to get out of the post office today. I had to get out of line six times to go to the bathroom!
- Cal Pettie: Obviously this diet don't work! It's a thyroid condition!
- Fred G. Sanford: Yeah, y'see, your thighs is pressin' your 'roids up in your stomach.