Quotes
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Brian Michael Hackett : "Solid citizen Joe. He always does the right thing." You know I bet you don't even tear that stupid tag off the mattress.
Joe : It says "Do not remove"!
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Joe Montgomery Hackett : Look, there's no reason to get upset.
Brian Michael Hackett : I want to get upset. I LIKE to get upset. Getting upset makes me happy! You ought to try it sometime.
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Brian Michael Hackett : That key opened up a safe deposit box, which had a key for another bank. Which led to another key to another bank. Which led to two bus stations, a post office, a train depot, and a kennel. And you wanna know what we found?
[Reaches into his pocket]
Brian Michael Hackett : Another key. And you wanna know where it goes? I'll tell you where it goes. We don't KNOW where it goes!
[Slams the key on the table]
Brian Michael Hackett : THAT'S where it goes.
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Joe : [Carol left Brian] That pig!
Brian Michael Hackett : Okay, I'll give you that. But she was MY pig.
Joe : Well, at least the other guy wasn't your brother!
Brian Michael Hackett : Yeah. Yeah. My brother would never have done that to me.
[Beat]
Brian Michael Hackett : Kinda thought if Pop left us some money, she might wanna come back.
[Beat]
Brian Michael Hackett : Hey, listen Joe: No matter whose fault it was, if losing Carol made you feel the way I've felt since she's left, then... I'm really really sorry.
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Brian Michael Hackett : Come all the way back here, and what do I end up with? Nada, zippo, zero, zilch! With nothing.
Joe : [Beat] You've got Carol.
Brian Michael Hackett : Oh, so now we get to it, huh? I thought you said you were over that.
Joe : Over you stealing the love of my life?
Brian Michael Hackett : I didn't steal her. She came after me.
Joe : Aw, come off it. Carol doesn't have a deceptive bone in her body. She's kind, and good, and honest. And you stole her from me, and it hurts. It hurts bad. I don't think you could ever know how much.
Brian Michael Hackett : [Beat] She left me for another guy.
Joe : She left you too?
Brian Michael Hackett : Yeah.
Joe : That pig!
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Brian Michael Hackett : Can't get sidetracked now again. We got to keep our eyes on the prize.
[an attractive woman walks by]
Brian Michael Hackett : Whoa, major hooters.
[to Joe]
Brian Michael Hackett : We can't let those...
Attractive Woman : What did you say?
Brian Michael Hackett : Major Hooters. Major Bob Hooters, U.S. Air Force, at your service.
[He salutes. She rolls her eyes and walks away, while Joe drags Brian out the door]
Brian Michael Hackett : Uh-oh, scramble. Red alert. Rest easy tonight, little lady. Our boys are in the air. And so are yours!
