- Al Bundy: I wish the world was a fly and I was a giant rolled-up newspaper.
- Peggy Bundy: Here we go again.
- Al Bundy: A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today. She said "I'd like something I'd be comfortable in." I said "Try Wyoming!"
- Marcy D'Arcy: I don't know why we even need bras.
- Al Bundy: Well, I think it's to keep your breast off the plate when you eat.
- Marcy D'Arcy: You know who we have to thank for this whole bra problem?
- Al Bundy: Me?
- Marcy D'Arcy: No, men! They design and manufacture bras not for the bosoms that we have, but for the bosoms that they want. You know what would happen if men had breasts?
- Al Bundy: We wouldn't need women anymore?
- Peggy Bundy: [to Al] And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need batteries anymore!
- Al Bundy: That's what happened to my Die Hards!
- Kelly Bundy: I just thought it was time to give something back to the community.
- Bud Bundy: Judging by the lines at the free clinic, you already have.
- Kelly Bundy: Look what they want me to wear for my next Verminator commercial.
- [tiny red bikini]
- Kelly Bundy: Daddy, I'm afraid that if I keep doing this, people are gonna think that I'm all body and no...
- [forgets what she's talking about]
- Al Bundy: Mind?
- Kelly Bundy: No, I don't, go ahead.
- Peggy Bundy: Gee, Al, I don't know about you, but I'm horny as hell.
- Al Bundy: Well, so am I, but you don't see me bothering you about it, do you?
- Al Bundy: Peg, I wouldn't rub your tushy if Robin Williams popped out of it and offered me three wishes.