- Gomez Addams: Right now I'm starved.
- Morticia Addams: Anything your heart desires, how 'bout some of that nice baked iguana?
- Gomez Addams: Capital! An iguana sandwich and a steaming cup of pinecone nectar.
- Gomez Addams: Until you pay for those trains, I am cutting off your allowance.
- Pugsley Addams: But I don't get any allowance.
- Gomez Addams: Starting today, you get an allowance so I can cut it off.
- [to Morticia]
- Gomez Addams: There's a touch of madness around here...
- Pugsley Addams: You mean hit my own father with an Indian club?
- Wednesday Addams: It's for his own good.
- Pugsley Addams: Then you do it.
- Wednesday Addams: He might get mad at me.
- Pugsley Addams: He might get made at me, too.
- Wednesday Addams: But while father is ill, you're the head of the family.
- Pugsley Addams: [stands up] Hand me that club!
- Gomez Addams: What's that?
- Morticia Addams: That's our butler, Lurch.
- Gomez Addams: Is it real or do you wind it up?
- Gomez Addams: I'm going to get you a lovely, golden-haired doll that says "Mama."
- Wednesday Addams: But what have I done?
- Gomez Addams: Nothing.
- Wednesday Addams: Then why are you punishing me?
- [Morticia hopes Gomez' memory will return through routine activities]
- Morticia Addams: Let's recapture those mad moments, Gomez. Kiss my arm.
- Gomez Addams: Your arm?
- Morticia Addams: Darling, I'm yours, from shoulder to knuckle.
- Gomez Addams: Isn't that rather unsanitary?
- Grandmama: I'm taking the children to the movies to see "The Batwoman From Outer Space". They love those true-life stories.
- Morticia Addams: Perhaps a nice visit with the children would soothe you.
- Gomez Addams: Children, what children?
- Morticia Addams: Our children, dear.
- Gomez Addams: Madam, are you suggesting... that we've been more than friends?
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, we're married.
- Gomez Addams: Oh, I forgot.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, this is dreadful. Has your memory been destroyed?
- Gomez Addams: I don't know. I don't remember.
- Morticia Addams: Surely you recognize your own offspring.
- Gomez Addams: No, but the girl does resemble you.
- Morticia Addams: And Pugsley's the image of you.
- Gomez Addams: [horrified] He is?
- Morticia Addams: Well, naturally. Look in the mirror.
- Gomez Addams: [shunning away, quickly] I'm afraid.
- Gomez Addams: [spotting Mama in the stocks] This is an interesting old wooden carving.
- Grandmama Addams: Me, a wooden carving?
- Gomez Addams: It's alive!
- Gomez Addams: It's not very easy to relax around here.
- Morticia Addams: Well, of course it is. Stand on your head.
- Morticia Addams: Ohh, I can't do it, I can't bear the look on his face when I hit him
- Uncle Fester: Shall I put a sack over his head
- Morticia Addams: [to Cleopatra] Good morning, Cleopatra. Here you are, darling.
- [feeds Cleopatra a drink]
- Morticia Addams: Don't gulp.