House M.D. (TV Series)
Cane and Able (2006)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Quotes
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy] You've been overly supportive this entire week. Either you're hormonal or you're guilt-ridden. And it's too early in the pregnancy for this to be hormonal.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I'm not pregnant!
Dr. Gregory House : Then what did you do wrong?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : He had Addison's. Your last patient. You were right. Gave him one shot of cortisol and he woke up like Rip Van Winkle.
Dr. Gregory House : [smiles a little and leans over to Cuddy's tummy] Oh, your mommy's in such trouble. She's such a liar! That's why you don't have a daddy!
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[the team has discovered a piece of metal lodged in the back of the patient's neck]
Dr. Gregory House : The results came back. The lab cannot identify the metal. Said it might not even be terrestrial.
Dr. Robert Chase : Really?
Dr. Gregory House : No, you idiot. It's titanium.
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Dr. Robert Chase : [a patient who believes he's abducted by aliens goes missing] House! Clancy's gone missing.
Dr. Gregory House : Oh, no! Well, you take Alpha Centauri, Foreman can look on Tatooine and Cameron can set up an intergalactic checkpoint. Let's pray he hasn't gone into hyperdrive! We'll never catch him.
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Dr. Gregory House : [while on the computer] Why do they bother putting age restrictions on these things when all you have to do is click "yes, I am 18." Even a 17-year-old could figure that out.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I'm not pregnant.
Dr. Gregory House : My leg doesn't hurt.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You're in denial.
Dr. Gregory House : No I'm not!
[pauses]
Dr. Gregory House : Oh, you got me!
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Stephanie : You're talking about brain surgery.
Dr. Gregory House : I'm talking about really cool brain surgery.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : Is your leg hurting?
Dr. Gregory House : Is that question relevant?
Dr. Allison Cameron : You're leaning.
Dr. Gregory House : You're sitting.
Dr. Allison Cameron : You're evading.
Dr. Gregory House : My head's hurting.
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Dr. James Wilson : You're just like any other patient. Running away from knowledge that won't make you happy.
Dr. Gregory House : I'm as happy as a pig in poop.
Dr. James Wilson : You're scared the ketamine treatment's wearing off. That it was just a... torturous window to the good life.
Dr. Gregory House : What part of "poop" didn't you understand?
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : What's going on with the leg?
Dr. Gregory House : First, tell me what's going on with the boobs.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : If you're feeling pain...
Dr. Gregory House : They're firmer...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It's called an underwire. I wanna get a pet scan of your brain.
Dr. Gregory House : I think it's hormones.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : As long as there's no increased activity in the thalmus...
Dr. Gregory House : Looks to me like those puppies are going into the dairy business...
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[last lines]
Dr. Gregory House : Can you believe what Cuddy tried to pull?
Dr. James Wilson : What now?
Dr. Gregory House : She lied to me. She cured my patient with my diagnosis, then lied to me about it.
Dr. James Wilson : That doesn't sound like her.
Dr. Gregory House : You're right. Does sound like you, though.
Dr. James Wilson : What exactly did Cuddy tell you?
Dr. Gregory House : Nothing that your body language isn't telling me right now. So - what was the plan? I'd feel so humbled by missing a case that I'd re-evaluate my entire life, question the nature of truth and goodness and become Cameron?
Dr. James Wilson : Something like that. More that if we told you the truth, that you'd solved a case based on absolutely no medical proof, you'd think you were God. And... I was worried your wings would melt.
Dr. Gregory House : God doesn't limp.
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Dr. Gregory House : I won't start lopping off body parts, but it's interesting that you'd give me the green light.
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Dr. Gregory House : It's a UFO: Unidentified Flowing Orifice.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : If you did your morning run, and showered at home, you'd be later than usual.
Dr. Gregory House : [Turns back and yells] I thought of you in the shower.
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Dr. Gregory House : I have no idea what you meant, but I could smell what The Rock was cookin'.
[raises his eyebrow]
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Dr. James Wilson : [to House when he comes into work] Ah. Where's the sweat and the B.O.? You've taken such pride bathing us all in your musk.
Dr. Gregory House : Showered at home.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : And yet you're earlier than usual.
Dr. Gregory House : Is this an intervention? It's a little late since I'm not using drugs anymore. I am, however, still hooked on phonics.
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Dr. Gregory House : Go get me those myocytes! I want to talk to them in my office.
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Dr. Robert Chase : [about the patient] Kid is a product of an in-vitro fertilization pregnancy. Had all his vaccinations, fractured his right ulna at age 3, chicken pox at age 5...
Dr. Gregory House : He ever get his feelings hurt? I'll need to know that, too.
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Dr. Robert Chase : Titanium is used to build nuclear subs. Pieces don't just break off.
Dr. Gregory House : Tell that to the guys on the Kursk.
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Dr. Gregory House : God doesn't limp.