House M.D. (TV Series)

Lines in the Sand (2006)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Quotes 

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [talking about the 17-year-old who has a crush on House]  Your girlfriend called the clinic 15 times looking for you today.

  Dr. Gregory House : Huh. Lot to discuss. China patterns...

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : House. She's a stalker.

  Dr. Gregory House : Right. Couldn't be that she finds me interesting, attractive. Has to be that she's insane.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She's called you 15 times. Your mother's not that interested in you.

  Dr. Gregory House : Well, maybe I'd be better adjusted if she was.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I'm notifying security.

  Dr. Gregory House : Is this about the carpet? Do you think I'll back off if you block all my fun?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You better not be having fun.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm having fun. I'm not having sex.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She's dangerous.

  Dr. Gregory House : She's not dangerous.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She's pretty.

  Dr. Gregory House : She's pretty.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Men are stupid.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm with you so far.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I'm notifying security.

  Dr. Gregory House : Give her a break. She's not dangerous, she's... insightful.

  [as Cuddy steps into a meeting] 

  Dr. Gregory House : You can't stop our love!

  [Cuddy looks embarrassed] 

• Dr. Gregory House : [His 'stalker' has just left, but not before glancing over her shoulder at House and smiling. House turns to Cuddy]  After that look, I'm feeling a little frisky. Looks like you're up.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I'm ovulating. Let's go.

  Dr. Gregory House : The frisky, it went away.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : House, this isn't a game.

  [Starts to walk away] 

  Dr. Gregory House : If I leave her alone, can I have my carpet back?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : No.

  Dr. Gregory House : If I forget about my carpet, can I have her?

• Dr. Gregory House : Stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : Because he screamed?

  Dr. Robert Chase : Could also be an environmental reaction. An allergy, dust, weed, pollen, toxin, or something he ate...

  Dr. Gregory House : Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan. The lungs are in the chest too, right?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : I had a date last night. She screamed. Should we spend $100,000 testing her?

  Dr. Gregory House : Course not. This isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!

• Dr. Gregory House : Listen to me. Do you have any idea of what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed with me? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a jail.

  Ali : You're only saying that to make me go.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm saying it 'cause it's true. Inside of us, we both know that you belong with Victor. Is there a Victor in your class?

  [Ali shakes her head] 

  Dr. Gregory House : If you're not with... someone your age, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

  Ali : What about us?

  Dr. Gregory House : We'll always have Fresno. I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of two little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now. Here's looking at you--

  [sees Ali's milky tears] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Damn.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [Trying to convince House his stalker hit on her]  She has a mole on her right breast just below the nipple.

  Dr. Gregory House : No she doesn't.

• Dr. Gregory House : [Bursts into operating room]  Hey! Don't touch his eye!

  Dr. Simpson : This is an appendectomy.

  Dr. Gregory House : Like I said, don't touch his eye.

• Ali : Hey, Dr. House.

  Dr. Gregory House : Hello, girl-whose-name-I-don't-remember-but-whose-dad-I-treated-so-I-don't-really-know-why-she's-here.

• Ali : So, loving you, wanting to have sex with you is all just the spores talking?

  Dr. Gregory House : [hands a prescription to her]  You'll probably live. Damn.

• [about Ali] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I have sad news for you: She doesn't love you.

  Dr. Gregory House : You're ugly when you're jealous.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : She showed up at my house last night, came on to me.

  Dr. Gregory House : She's even more perfect than I thought.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Ali]  Exactly when did New Jersey run out of horny 17-year-old boys?

  Ali : About five weeks ago. It's been very lonely.

• Dr. Allison Cameron : Is it so wrong for them to want to have a normal child? It's normal to want to be normal.

  Dr. Gregory House : Spoken like a true Circle Queen. See, skinny, socially privileged white people get to draw this neat circle, and everyone inside the circle is normal. Everyone outside the circle should be beaten, broken, and reset so they can be brought inside the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized, or worse, pitied.

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [Worried because House hasn't discouraged his teenage stalker]  You've seen her breasts?

  Dr. Gregory House : It was a medical exam. I was listening to her heart. It went, "Greg-House, Greg-House, Greg-House."

• Dr. Gregory House : The wicked shall deceive ye because they have turned from the Lord and are idiots, his ocular muscle didn't paralyze, it pirouetted.

• Dr. James Wilson : [to House]  That was sensitive.

  Dr. Gregory House : [to Cameron]  You have pretty hair.

• Dr. Gregory House : Go up his rear and get a smear. Which reminds me, I kind of feel like a bagel.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Cameron]  My parents loved me unconditionally. Get out of here.

• Dr. Gregory House : [House bursts into Cuddy's office while she's on the phone]  I want my old carpet back.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [into the phone]  Uh, we're gonna have to do this later.

  [glares at House] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : A kid in the clinic had an accident.

  [hangs up] 

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Generally when people are on the phone...

  Dr. Gregory House : I want my old carpet back.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It was stained with blood.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, my blood which makes the carpet part of me. I want it back. I want to be buried with it.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You think you can get me to do anything you want, regardless of how stupid it is?

  Dr. Gregory House : It's my office. It's where I work, where I think, where I save lives, allowing you to brag to rich people, so they'll give you more money to spend on MRI's and low-cut tops. I want it back the way it was.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : It's identical to the old carpet. Except without the hazardous biological waste.

  Dr. Gregory House : I shall not return to my office until every patented durable micro-fiber has been restored to its rightful place.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [sarcastically]  Inspiring. If you won't work in your office, work in the clinic. If you don't want to work in the clinic, go home and don't get paid.

  Dr. Gregory House : [starts hitting his cane loudly against the floor]  Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica!

  [Cuddy just stares at House] 

  Dr. Gregory House : Attica?

• Dr. Gregory House : [when Adam is screaming]  For the love of God, can't somebody shut that kid up? People are trying to work around here.