- Brian Griffin: We have a show!
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, yes, we have a show.
- Denzel Washington: [whistle, then scene from Philadelphia plays] After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge Charles Wheeler and his partners, in ethical, moral, and in human terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law.
- Brian Griffin: What is wrong with you?
- Stewie Griffin: I swear to god that was supposed to be "Food Fight"
- Sindy: That one felt like my Dad.
- Brian Griffin: Uh, excuse me, I gotta find a lost kid. Can I use your mic?
- The Butt: That's what SHE said.
- Weenie: Whoa! You got Butt-slammed!
- [wacky sound effects play]
- The Butt: Ho ho ho!
- Brian Griffin: Listen, I could really use a hand here.
- The Butt: That's what HE said!
- Weenie: Butt-slammed!
- Peter Griffin: I didn't hear you come in last night. Did you have fun at your prostitute's convention?
- Peter's Mom: I'm leaving.
- Tom Tucker: Leaving? Why?
- Peter's Mom: Tommy, this has been great. But I wasn't looking for anything long term. I just needed someone to clear all the bats out of my plumbing.
- Stewie Griffin: I would be remiss in my duty if I did not tell you that the idea of... intercourse, and the fact of your firm young body... comingling... with the withered flesh... sagging breasts, and flabby buttocks... makes me want... to vomit.
- Tom Tucker: Hey Champ. Do you want to watch Chicken Little?
- Peter Griffin: Heh heh heh heh. Yeah!
- Tom Tucker: And what does a chicken say?
- Peter Griffin: Moooooo!
- Tom Tucker: Ha ha ha ha ha. Why not?