- Brian Griffin: [Brian singing] Take to the highway, won't you lend me your name.
- Stewie Griffin: Who sings that song?
- Brian Griffin: James Taylor.
- Stewie Griffin: Yeah let's keep it that way.
- Stewie Griffin: [Stewie and Brian have just crashed their plane into a mountainside] Imagine the dance I'm gonna have to do to get our security deposit back.
- Stewie Griffin: And just in time, too. I can't keep my teeth from chattering. Isn't that fun? I got these at Jack's Joke Shop in South Attleboro, Massachusetts. Remember, if it ain't funny, it ain't worth Jack.
- [Brian slaps him]
- Stewie Griffin: Ah, bitch
- Herbert: Hey there, Chris.
- Chris Griffin: Hi, Mr. Herbert!
- Herbert: Sellin' your old hand-me-downs?
- Chris Griffin: Yep!
- Herbert: You got anything that you used to wear in the summer time?
- Chris Griffin: Just these old shorts.
- Herbert: Sweet Jesus.
- Brian Griffin: [after carjacking someone in Aspen, Colorado] Did we just car-jack someone?
- Stewie Griffin: We sure did, Brian. We sure did.
- Stewie Griffin: [To an African American] You're welcome.
- Guy: Excuse me?
- Stewie Griffin: I'm just saying make it worth our while. We wrote a pretty big check for you folks.
- Guy: I'd say the events that preceded it, the hundred years or so, we're even.
- Stewie Griffin: Yeah, we gave more.
- Stewie Griffin: What are we doing at the toy store?
- Brian Griffin: I'm going to buy you another Rupert.
- [takes a stuffed gorilla off the shelf]
- Brian Griffin: This is cute and if we buy it, they save a real gorilla in the wild.
- [looks closer at the tag]
- Brian Griffin: And if we don't, they kill one. Boy, these guys are really playing hardball.
- Guy: Wow! I can't believe it! One minute I'm filling up at Chevron, the next I'm having sex with Sharon Stone!
- Sharon Stone: Yeah. Now comes the best part.
- [She turns into a monster and bites the guy's head off]
- Stewie Griffin: Thanks for the ride, Bandit. And good luck tapping that
- [with disgust]
- Stewie Griffin: ... hot... hot... Sally Field tail.
- The Bandit: Knock it off! I don't like it any more than you do.
- Brian Griffin: You are getting a little old for a teddy bear.
- Stewie Griffin: Brian, I'm one.
- Brian Griffin: Still?
- Peter Griffin: Aw, you should've seen what our amazing freakin' daughter did to that guy, Lois. She kicked his ass! It was like what life did to Dana Plato.
- Lois Griffin: Who wants a glass of fresh lemonade?
- Peter Griffin: Not me! What I want is a fresh glass of better daughter!
- [Peter splashes Meg with lemonade]
- Peter Griffin: Hey, Joe.
- Joe Swanson: Good morning, Peter. I'm here to revoked your driver's license.
- Peter Griffin: What? Why?
- Joe Swanson: We got reckless driving, disturbing the peace, plus the driver of one of the other cars was a virgin whose hymen was busted by the airbag, so rape.