Redd Foxx: Fred G. Sanford

Quotes 

• Fred G. Sanford : [shouting to Eve, who is walking out the door, leaving Fred standing by Esther]  Look here, look here! Can't you take Esther with you? Put her in the trunk, use her for a spare!

  [Turning to Esther] 

  Fred G. Sanford : Well, Esther, how ya doin', how ya feelin' and when you leavin'?

  Aunt Esther Anderson : I just got here.

  Fred G. Sanford : That's a good time to start leavin'.

• Fred G. Sanford : Now you can stay in Los Angeles as long as you want to, but you're not gonna stay here in my empire.

  Aunt Esther Anderson : Ain't no old gray-haired weaselly man gonna tell me that I'm not gonna stay in my sister's home!

  Fred G. Sanford : Your sister Elizabeth passed over twenty years ago. Why don't you go stay with her?

• Aunt Esther Anderson : I wanna see 'em 'cause seeing is believing.

  Fred G. Sanford : No it ain't. I been seeing you for years and I still don't believe it.

• Cal Pettie : [Holding Fred's marriage license]  I gotta tell you something, Fred.

  Fred G. Sanford : What?

  Cal Pettie : It's gonna cause you a lot of pain. It's gonna break your little heart. It's gonna tear your guts out... It seems that Elizabeth signed where the witness was supposed to, and Esther signed where the bride was supposed to. That means you are married to Esther.

  [Fred stunned, begins to stagger and suffer a heart attack] 

• Cal Pettie : Say, let me ask you a question. Whatever happened to Esther's real husband?

  Fred G. Sanford : Woody? Oh, he died and went to heaven. He had to go to heaven because he caught all the hell there was while he was here with Esther.

• Fred G. Sanford : [Voiceover introducing scenes from part one]  Did you miss last week? I sure wish I did. Wait till you see the mess I found myself in.

• Fred G. Sanford : [Driving the truck down a lonely rural highway]  Where are we? We lost.

  Cal Pettie : We ain't lost, we're 200 miles outside of Fremont, Missouri. Look, according to this map here, we're running right alongside this mountain range.

  Fred G. Sanford : That ain't no mountain range, that's a mustard smudge.

• Judge : [Presiding before Fred and Esther]  Well, just look at ya. You've been married so long you're beginning to look like each other.

  Fred G. Sanford : Well, Judge, if that's the case, forget the divorce, gimme the gas chamber!

• Cal Pettie : Fred, these courtrooms make me nervous. They got all these unsolved crimes they're just dyin' to pin on somebody.

  Fred G. Sanford : Don't worry, only thing they could pin on you would be a harpoon.

• Fred G. Sanford : [singing while pouring himself a celebratory glass of Ripple]  I'm no longer married / to that ugly bride / If the judge hadn't divorced us / I'd have committed suicide / I've got the ugly wife blues, whoa!