- The gang discovers that Robin's been hiding a huge secret, but they have no idea what it is. Marshall thinks she is married, and Barney thinks she was a porn star.
- Ted is learning a few secrets about Robin: she's scared of the seven dwarfs, and she refuses to go to the mall. Although she is up front about why she fears the dwarfs, she refuses to tell Ted and the others about why she won't go to the mall. Marshall believes it's because she got married in a mall and is still married. Barney believes it has something to do with Robin having performed in a porn video. The two of them make a slap bet with each other: whoever is right gets to slap the other across the face as hard as he can. They even ask Lily to be the slap bet officiator, as long as she promises to be unbiased. Ted tries to find out Robin's secret, but she asks him to respect her privacy on this issue. When Ted does eventually pry it out of her, he wishes he didn't know as he doesn't know what to do with the information. But as time goes on, Barney actually finds out that it has to do with a video starring someone named Robin Sparkles. It is only then that Robin makes full disclosure. Meanwhile, the slap bet takes a few turns, but ends incomplete... for the time being.—Huggo
- Ted, Marshall, Lily, and Barney find out that Ted's girlfriend Robin never goes to malls (including the Willowbrook mall in NYC..) and refuses to explain why. Ted pretends to respect Robin's privacy in front of everyone, but privately badgers her to find the truth (arrested, dumped, found out that she was Canadian, mauled, trapped under a fake boulder?). Marshall posits that Robin was married in a mall in Canada (Lily tells Marshall that she will never get married to him at the Mall of America in Minnesota), while Barney believes that the secret is related to pornography. Barney believes that the more you know about a person the closer you get to the "Oh" moment, the one detail which is a deal breaker (pact with God to stay a virgin till marriage, turned 30, eating disorders). Ted believes in knowing about the Oh moment asap, rather than at the altar. Marshall and Lily tell each other everything. Marshall has never been to the Pacific Northwest as he is afraid of Sasquatch. Donkey ate his pants in Trenton. Had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach at Bill's bachelor party in Memphis. The gang recollects that Robin talks a lot about her friend in Canada who got married way too young. They agree to a Slap Bet (since Marshall didn't have $20,000 and Lily refuses to be the wager) (where the winner of the bet slaps the loser as hard as he possibly can, but no rings) and appoint Lily the Slap Bet Commissioner. If a problem arises and they need a ruling, that would be her job.
Ted begins to worry that Robin is married. He again badgers Robin to just say that she is not married. After trying to avoid the issue, Robin tells Ted that she got married in a mall, after which her husband moved to Hong Kong without getting a divorce. Ted promises to keep it a secret, but tells the gang after Lily begs him. Marshall slaps Barney. Barney continues to look for porn from Canada to prove that Robin featured in a porn video.
Law student Marshall searches a legal database, and tells Ted that there is no record of a marriage license for Robin in Canada. Ted can't ask Robin directly as she will know that he told Marshall. Marshall advises Ted to lawyer Robin, by asking her a bunch of questions about the marriage very quickly and see how she responds. After asking her various questions about her wedding, Ted confronts Robin (when she can't answer her husband's name) and she admits she is not married, but finds out that Ted told Marshall her supposed secret. She is angry and refuses to tell Ted the true reason she avoids malls. Marshall tells Lily that Robin is not married and Lily, as the slap bet commissioner, must allow Barney to slap Marshall three times.
Startling Robin, Barney reveals that a man in Malaysia has found a video with "Robin Sparkles", and it will appear on Myspace shortly. Ted is no longer interested in finding out Robin's secret, but Robin insists that it is time for the secret to be revealed. Barney plays the video's opening, in which Robin (dressed as a schoolgirl) seductively pleads with a teacher not to give her detention.
Not wanting to further embarrass Robin, Barney pauses the video, says that he has proved his point, and slaps Marshall. Robin asks Barney why he slapped Marshall, and Barney tells her about the bet and that he thought that Robin had done porn. Robin plays the video, stating that she wishes it were porn. It is a music video where "Robin Sparkles" sings "Let's Go To The Mall", Robin's minor bubblegum pop hit in Canada as a teenage pop star.
Marshall points out to Barney that he did not win the slap bet. Lily gives Barney the choice of either ten slaps from Marshall immediately, or five slaps at any time till eternity. Barney chooses the five slaps, which Ted refers to as a "horrible call", because Barney must now live in constant fear of being slapped. Robin tells Ted that she is glad Ted knows her secret now. They kiss and Marshall slaps Barney, proclaiming, "That's one". They all enjoy the video, and Marshall glares at Barney.
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