- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you always got.
- [last lines]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sometimes, McGee, a little lie, it's good for the soul.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, I've been looking all over the building for you.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Well, since we're low on agents, I thought I would give Abby a hand.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The only reason we're low on agents is because you sent DiNozzo home.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: There's no sense in getting us all sick...
- Abby Sciuto: [as Gibbs] "Next time you send one of my team home, you clear it with me first, Director!"
- [as Jenny]
- Abby Sciuto: Oh, I didn't know I needed your permission to manage my own personnel, Agent Gibbs!"
- [as Gibbs]
- Abby Sciuto: "*Your* personnel?"
- [as Jenny]
- Abby Sciuto: "Last time I checked, it said Director on *my* door, not yours!"
- [to both of them, as herself]
- Abby Sciuto: The kids don't like it when Mommy and Daddy fight.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Do you know what a clog is?
- Officer Ziva David: Uh... a shoe or a blocked drain?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: On the Internet.
- Officer Ziva David: I thought that was a "blog." But my English is often wrong.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [after McGee's given his badge/gun to the Director] Boss, don't try to talk me out of...
- [Gibbs slaps the back of McGee's head]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never let *anyone* manipulate you like that!
- [moves in closer]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not even the Director!
- Sarah McGee: This is what you do at work? State the obvious and make pretty pie charts?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No, we collect facts and we formulate theories.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [taking a cheerleader into custody] You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to do splits. You have the right to wear short skirts.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Boss? Why do you have my sister's cell phone?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I have a better question for you. What's your sister's cell phone doing on *my* dead body?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [reading from McGee's book] "Lisa's eyes reminded him of emeralds..."
- Officer Ziva David: [touched] Oh...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: "... flawed only by the icicles in her heart."
- Officer Ziva David: [grabs the book] He's dead!
- [reading]
- Officer Ziva David: "In the field, Agent Tommy is a dogged pursuer of dirtbags!"
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah.
- Officer Ziva David: [slight chuckle] ... and any skirt over the age of 18."
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Sarah McGee] Your brother's dead!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I need some advice.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: And you came to me?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well it was either you or Gibbs, and his track record with women sucks.
- [Officer Tate and Madison are arrested for Seaman Petty's murder. They continue to argue over who's fault it really is]
- Madison: [to Tate] Lying bastard!
- Officer Samuel Tate: [to Madison] Lying bitch!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McTimex's brain is hard-wired for punctuality and sadly for scaring away potential mates.