Family Guy (TV Series)

Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey (2007)

Seth Green: Chris Griffin, Boy

Quotes 

• [the pig Peter and Bill Clinton stole rampages through the house] 

  Chris Griffin : Oh boy, a pig! Can we keep him? OWW, he bit me!

• Meg Griffin : Don't mind me, you guys. I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. "Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty, just like you said I am. Love, Meg."

  Chris Griffin : Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops.

  [cut to a Starbucks] 

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Hey, getting some writing done there, buddy?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : Yeah, setting up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Me, too. All real writers need to be seen writing, otherwise, what's the point, right?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : You should totally write that down.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Okay. Will you watch me?

• Peter Griffin : [at the local aquarium]  Hey, look, kids, it's a recreation of the lost city of New Orleans.

  Chris Griffin : Dad, was there ever a real city of New Orleans?

  Peter Griffin : No one knows, Chris. No one knows.

• Brian Griffin : [doing his business in the yard]  Hello, old friend.

  [getting sprayed with a hose] 

  Brian Griffin : Ahh! What the hell?

  Lois Griffin : No! No! You do not go on this lawn! Brian, I've had enough of this. It's more disgusting than when you gave me that Christmas gift.

  [cut to the family on Christmas Day] 

  Lois Griffin : [opening a gift]  Oh, what is it? A little birdie? Oh! Oh, my God! It's dead! Brian!

  [gagging] 

  Lois Griffin : Oh! Oh, Brian, this is disgusting! Oh, my God! Get it out of here!

  Brian Griffin : I'm... I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you'd like it.

  Chris Griffin : [opening his gift]  Brian, I love it!

  [taking out a dead cat] 

  Chris Griffin : I'm gonna call you Stickyhead.

  [kissing and petting it] 

  Chris Griffin : I love you, Stickyhead.

• Peter Griffin : Hey, there, Mr. Octopus. I see you got two eyes but not much else. We can fix that.

  [taking out a marker and drawing on the tank] 

  Peter Griffin : Let's give you a nice tweedlie little mustache here. And maybe a big ol' dumb-guy smiley mouth. And a couple of eyebrows with one raised up like you're saying "Say what?".

  [tapping the glass] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh, look who's got pimples. And right before the big dance.

  [tapping too hard, the glass breaks, and the octopus grabs him in its tentacles] 

  Peter Griffin : Help! It's so sucky and squeezy!

  Captain Seamus : I'll handle this. I've tangled with the likes of these before.

  [he pulls the octopus off and throws it against the wall] 

  Chris Griffin : Wow, that was awesome, Mr. Seamus.

  Captain Seamus : Ah, it was nothing. That's how I caught old Woody over there.

  [in another tank, an octopus swims around with eight peg legs in place of its tentacles]