Family Guy (TV Series)

Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey (2007)

Mila Kunis: Meg Griffin

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : How's the hernia, Peter?

  Peter Griffin : You know what the worst part of it is, Lois? I-I thought I was just out of shape, but that ain't it at all. I got to face the fact that I'm just getting old.

  Bill Clinton : [coming in]  Knock, knock.

  Brian Griffin : Mr. President! What are you doing here?

  Bill Clinton : Well, I felt so bad that Peter hurt himself fixing my car, I wanted to stop by and extend my good wishes.

  Meg Griffin : Wow! Bill Clinton! Hey, uh, can I get a picture of you on my cell phone?

  Bill Clinton : Sure.

  [lifting his shirt and sticking his tongue out as she takes it] 

  Bill Clinton : You know where I got that nipple ring? Ol' Straddlin' Madeleine Albright gave it to me.

• Bill Clinton : Say, you look like you're pretty down, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Ah, it's just that I'm starting to realize I'm not as young as I used to be.

  Bill Clinton : I hear you. After my bypass, I remember wondering if it was all downhill from there. But then I realized it doesn't have to be. You're only as young as you feel.

  Peter Griffin : I don't know, Reagan, I wish I could believe that.

  Bill Clinton : I'm gonna make you believe it. When you get out of here, I'm gonna take you out and show you the time of your life. And by the time we're done, I promise you're gonna feel like a young man again.

  Peter Griffin : Well, if you really think it'll help.

  Bill Clinton : I sure do. Know what else will help? A little saxophone therapy.

  [with his Secret Service agents, they play the theme to "Night Court"] 

  Meg Griffin : [appearing in her underwear]  You can have me.

  Bill Clinton : [chuckling]  E-E-E-Ew!

• Meg Griffin : Don't mind me, you guys. I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. "Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty, just like you said I am. Love, Meg."

  Chris Griffin : Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops.

  [cut to a Starbucks] 

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Hey, getting some writing done there, buddy?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : Yeah, setting up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Me, too. All real writers need to be seen writing, otherwise, what's the point, right?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : You should totally write that down.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Okay. Will you watch me?

• Peter Griffin : Hello, flabby, out-of-shape family. Check out my bulging rippliness.

  Brian Griffin : Peter, you've been to the gym once... for fifteen minutes.

  Peter Griffin : And I'm fifteen minutes stronger, Brian. I'd rip a phone book in half, but for the life of me, I don't know anyone who uses a phone book anymore. So I'll use Meg's laptop.

  Meg Griffin : [he struggles to tear it apart]  Dad! What the hell?

  Stewie Griffin : Ugh, look at him in that tank top. He looks more pathetic than John Merrick when he went on Match.com.

  John Merrick : [cut to him out on a date]  There's no way you're a size six.