Family Guy (TV Series)

Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey (2007)

John Viener: Guy with Laptop #2, Man in Suit #1, The Thing, Alexander Graham Bell

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : Don't mind me, you guys. I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. "Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me were really pretty, just like you said I am. Love, Meg."

  Chris Griffin : Meg, you are so full of crap. You're like those people who sit in Starbucks and publicly write on their laptops.

  [cut to a Starbucks] 

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Hey, getting some writing done there, buddy?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : Yeah, setting up in public so everybody can watch me type my big screenplay.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Me, too. All real writers need to be seen writing, otherwise, what's the point, right?

  Guy with Laptop #2 : You should totally write that down.

  Guy with Laptop #1 : Okay. Will you watch me?

• Lois Griffin : Honey, I just feel awful about this whole situation. But I think I've got a solution that'll make things right for the both of us.

  Peter Griffin : I'm listening.

  Lois Griffin : Well, the way I figure it, the only way to even things out between us is if you have sex with someone else, too.

  Peter Griffin : You... wanna get me laid?

  Lois Griffin : Yes, Peter, because I don't want to lose you.

  Peter Griffin : Well, it would make us even. All right, Lois, if you really think it'll work.

  Lois Griffin : Trust me. It'll work better than the first telephone.

  [cutaway] 

  Alexander Graham Bell : Well, we did it, Watson. What an afternoon. We finally perfected the first telephone.

  Bell's Friend : Yeah. Uh... hey, listen, somebody called me today. Uh... whoever it was said some very sexual things. Some very angry, sexual things.

  Alexander Graham Bell : Oh, really? Probably just some teenagers somewhere. Damn them.

  Bell's Friend : Well, th-th-that's the thing. I mean, t-there's only two phones in the... w-well, i-in the world, and one of them's in my office and the other's in your office, and those didn't even exist until about a few hours ago.

  Alexander Graham Bell : Yikes! I could use a distraction right now.

  [breaking the fourth wall] 

  Alexander Graham Bell : Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty.