Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)
Seth Rogen: B.O.B.
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Might we ask for your name, madam?
Susan Murphy : Susan.
B.O.B. : No, we mean like your monster name. You know, what do people scream when they see you coming? Like "Look out! Here comes...?"
Susan Murphy : Susan.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Really?
B.O.B. : [spookily] SUUUUSSAAANN! Ooh, I just scared myself! That is scary!
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B.O.B. : Goodbye, Derek! Good luck getting over me.
Susan Murphy : Uh, B.O.B.? It's me he's never gonna get over.
B.O.B. : Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait, wait, wait. You were dating Derek too? That two-timing jerk!
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : [about B.O.B] Forgive him, but as you can see, he has no brain.
B.O.B. : Turns out, you don't need one. Totally overrated! As a matter of fact, I don't even...
[starts gasping for air]
B.O.B. : I forgot how to breathe! Don't know how to breathe! Help me, Doctor Cockroach! Help! Help!
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Suck in, B.O.B.
B.O.B. : [breathes normally] Thanks, Doc. You're a life saver.
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The Missing Link : [about Susan] She's speechless!
B.O.B. : She?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Yes. We are in the prescence of the rare female monster.
B.O.B. : No way! It's a boy; look at his boobies!
The Missing Link : We need to have a talk.
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The Missing Link : Anyway, how, er, how was Derek?
[Susan sighs]
Susan Murphy : Derek is a selfish jerk.
B.O.B. : No!
Susan Murphy : Yes. All that talk about "us" - "I'm so proud of us", "Us just got a job in Fresno". There's no "us". There was only Derek. Why did I have to get hit by a meteor to see that? I'm such an idiot!
[she kicks the roof of the gas station, sending B.O.B. flying]
Susan Murphy : Why did I ever think life with Derek would be so great anyway? I mean, look at all the stuff I've done without him. Fighting an alien robot? That was me, not him. And that was amazing! Meeting you guys? Amazing. Dr. Cockroach, you can crawl up walls and build a super-computer out of a pizza box, two cans of hairspray and...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : And a paper clip.
Susan Murphy : Amazing! And you - you hardly need an introduction; you're the Missing Link! You personally carried 250 co-eds off of Cocoa Beach, and still had the strength to fight off the National Guard.
The Missing Link : And the Coast Guard. And also the Life Guard.
Susan Murphy : Amazing!
[B.O.B. lands]
Susan Murphy : B.O.B., who else could fall from unimaginable heights and end up without a single scratch?
B.O.B. : Link?
Susan Murphy : Y-you.
B.O.B. : Amazing!
[Insectosaurus roars]
The Missing Link : Good point, Insecto. Susan, don't short-change yourself.
Susan Murphy : Oh, I'm not gonna short-change myself.
[stands at full height]
Susan Murphy : Ever again!
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B.O.B. : Wow! Would you look at the size of that...
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Foot!
[Cockroach and Link jump out of the way, as the robot steps on B.O.B]
B.O.B. : [from the sole of the robot's foot, as it's walking] I got him you guys! I go...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B. : Don't worry, I won't let go! I'm wearing him dow...
[robot takes a step]
B.O.B. : Please tell me he's slowing down!
[robot takes a step]
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The Missing Link : Halt! I, Gallaxhar, command you to hand over the prisoner this instant.
Gallaxhar clone : Clearly you are defective beyond repair. Guards, take this defective clone to the incinerator!
[pause]
Gallaxhar clone : Well, what're you waiting for? You, and you!
[points at B.O.B and Dr. Cockroach]
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Seriously?
Gallaxhar clone : Yes. Take the prisoner and the defective clone to the incinerator.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Uh, of course, sir.
Gallaxhar clone : And here's a security pass, just in case.
[he offers a laser gun to B.O.B]
Gallaxhar clone : Would you like a gun?
B.O.B. : Yes, I would. Hey, guys, look.
[gun goes off and hits clone]
The Missing Link : Okay...
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B.O.B. : I may not have a brain, gentlemen, but I have an idea.
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The Missing Link : No monster has ever gotten out of here.
B.O.B. : That's not true! The invisible man did.
The Missing Link : No he didn't. We just told you that so you wouldn't get upset.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : He died of a heart attack twenty-five years ago.
B.O.B. : Nooo!
The Missing Link : Yeah. In that very chair.
[motions towards an empty chair]
The Missing Link : He's still there.
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Susan Murphy : I can't believe it! Soon I'll be back in Derek's arms... or... he'll be in mine.
The Missing Link : Ahh I can't wait for spring break back at Cocoa Beach just... freakin' everybody out.
B.O.B. : And I'll go back to my lab and finally finish my experiments.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : No no, that's me, B.O.B.
B.O.B. : Then I'll be a really giant lady.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : That's Susan, B.O.B.
B.O.B. : Fine. Then I'll go back to Modesto and be with Derek.
The Missing Link : Yeah, that's still Susan B.O.B.
B.O.B. : I think I at least deserve a chance to be with Derek!
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Susan Murphy : It's okay. They're with me. These are my new friends.
B.O.B. : [grabs Susan's mom, Wendy] Oh, Derek! I missed you so much! Thinking that we'd someday be together again. It's the only thing that got me through prison. I love you! I love this man!
[he hugs Wendy so hard he absorbs her into his body]
Susan Murphy : No, B.O.B.! That's my mother! You're suffocating her!
[B.O.B spits her out]
Carl Murphy : Honey, are you all right?
Wendy Murphy : I taste ham.
Susan Murphy : Sorry Mom. He's just a hugger.
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The Missing Link : [as the ship is about to explode] It's been an honor knowing you, Doc.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : The feeling's mutual, my friend.
B.O.B. : I'll see you guys tomorrow, for lunch.
The Missing Link : That's right, B.O.B.
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : There'll be candy, cake; balloons.
B.O.B. : Cake and balloons for lunch? It's gonna be the best day ever! I love you guys!
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Susan Murphy : [Fighting the robot] B.O.B.!
B.O.B. : What?
Susan Murphy : Help me!
B.O.B. : Sorry, I was just staring at this bird over there.
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[B.O.B. picks up a three from a deck of cards, Insectosaurus is standing behind B.O.B]
The Missing Link : Do you have any...
[Insectosaurus stomps three times]
The Missing Link : Threes?
B.O.B. : Yes! I do! How are you doing this? You're the luckiest guy I know!
The Missing Link : Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it.
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B.O.B. : [to a green jello] Hi. I'm benzoate ostylezene bicarbonate. Or you can call me B.O.B, whichever is easier. Did I come on too strong? I'm sorry. I'm a little rusty. I mean, I've be... I've been in prison my whole life. Why'd I mention prison?
[he slams his fist on the table, causing jello to shake]
B.O.B. : Oh, I didn't mean to scare you. Uh, I'm just gonna go. Ugh, I feel so stupid.
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[B.O.B. is stuck to the sole of a robot; it passes by a hot dog cart]
B.O.B. : Hot dogs!
[grabs the hot dog cart; is about to eat it when the robot takes a step]
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Wow, what a shindig. Your parents really know how to throw it down.
The Missing Link : What? No, that was a great party, one of the best I've even been to since I got out of prison.
B.O.B. : I must have been at a different party, 'cause that's not how I interpreted it at all. I don't think your parents like me, and I think that jello gave me a fake phone number.
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B.O.B. : What happened to the "there isn't a jar in the world I can't open" stuff? Wait, did you find a jar you couldn't open? What was in it? Was there pickles in it? Where's the giant jar of pickles?
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General W.R. Monger : I've been your warden for close to fifty years. That's no longer the case. For what it's worth...
[he salutes]
B.O.B. : That's rude. What did we do?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : No, B.O.B., that's not rude. That's a sign of respect.
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General W.R. Monger : Monsters, I'm so proud of you, I could cry, if I hadn't lost my tear ducts in the war. But not crying will have to wait. The world needs you again.
Susan Murphy : What is it, General?
General W.R. Monger : Seems a snail fell into a French nuclear reactor. As we speak, Escargantua is slowly making it's way to Paris.
Susan Murphy : Well, I've always wanted to go to Paris. Now who's with me?
The Missing Link : What do you say, Butterfly... osaurus?
[Butterflyosaurus roars, saying *yes*]
The Missing Link : We're in.
B.O.B. : I'm in!
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Count me in too.
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Derek Dietl : Susan!
Susan Murphy : Derek?
Derek Dietl : Baby, I thought long and hard about what happened between us, and I want you to know, I forgive you.
Susan Murphy : *You* forgive *me*?
Derek Dietl : Of course. It wasn't your fault you got hit by a meteorite and ruined everything. And you know what? I say maybe you didn't ruin everything. I just got a call from New York. They offered me network. All I have to do is get an exclusive interview from you.
Susan Murphy : Really?
Derek Dietl : Yeah! I get my dream job, and you get your dream guy. It's a win-win for Team Dietl.
Susan Murphy : Derek... that's amazing. Er, is the camera rolling?
Derek Dietl : Absolutely.
Susan Murphy : [picks up Derek] Good, because I wouldn't want your fans out there to miss this. This is Susan Murphy saying, "Goodbye, Derek!"
[she flicks him up in the air]
Susan Murphy : B.O.B., could you, er...?
B.O.B. : [after catching Derek and spitting him out again] Derek, you are a selfish jerk, and guess what? I've met someone else. She's lime green, she has 14 little chunks of pineapple inside of her, and she is everything I deserve in life! I'm happy now, Derek, without you. It's over.
Derek Dietl : [deflated, to cameraman] Turn it off.
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B.O.B. : Oh! My back! Just kidding! I don't have a back! Hahahaha.
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B.O.B. : You're doing great!
Susan Murphy : I'm doing everything!
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B.O.B. : Is it just legs? Did we just capture a giant pair of legs?
Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Silence, B.O.B! She'll hear us!
B.O.B. : How? Legs don't have ears.
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Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. : Poor Link. After all that tough talk, you were outmonstered by a girl. No wonder you're depressed.
The Missing Link : Hey, I'm not depressed. I'm tired.
B.O.B. : Why are you tired? You didn't do anything.
The Missing Link : Well, I haven't been sleeping well, all right? I got sleep apnes... apne-, apnea. Whatever, it's not fun.
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B.O.B. : You want my friend? You're gonna have to go through me!
