- Josh Girard: [the crew is playing a game of 'The Dozens'] Your momma is so stupid she thought an iMac was a new hamburger at McDonald's.
- Liz Lemon: What's the difference between your momma and a washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week.
- Pete Hornberger: [in a high-pitched voice to his kid over the phone] Elmo wants you to aim your pee-pee at the potty! No, not at Mommy, at the potty! How is that Elmo's fault? Did Mommy have some wine before she called Elmo?
- Jack Donaghy: [regarding the physical deformities of Prince Gerhardt] Most people in his situation would be angry with his family for the centuries of inbreeding, but not Gerhardt. He's too busy trying to stave off infection.
- Kenneth Parcell: [Kenneth finds Pete dancing with a very attractive woman at an impromptu party Tracy has thrown in the office] What are you doing? You are a married man!
- Pete Hornberger: Hey, I'm not doing anything wrong. Just... I'm just dancing, Kenneth.
- Kenneth Parcell: Do you remember the movie "Footloose," where those evil kids won in the end? You're going to make a mistake tonight.
- Tracy Jordan: [sleazy] You're going to make a mistake tonight!
- Kenneth Parcell: Remember the vows you and your wife took in that church.
- Pete Hornberger: Botanical garden.
- Kenneth Parcell: Botanical garden. You promised fidelity -
- Tracy Jordan: Lick her face!
- Kenneth Parcell: Think of God!
- Pete Hornberger: Look, both of you calm down. I'm just trying to have some fun for the first time in, like, ten years.
- Bianca Donaghy: [Jack is passing Liz off as his girlfriend to his ex-wife] She's much sharper than the last girl you had. What was her name?
- Jack Donaghy: Beyoncé.
- Tomas: Meine damen und herren, zeh Hapsburg line has ended. You can pick up your gift bags at zeh coat check.
- Liz Lemon: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
- Jenna Maroney: Oh, you're right, Liz. I should go for it.
- Liz Lemon: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
- Jenna Maroney: No, you're a good friend. And thank you.