Robot Chicken (TV Series)

Sausage Fest (2006)

Elijah Wood: William David Reynolds, Bailiff

Quotes 

• God : Ah, here it is. The book of your life.

  [Hands William a book] 

  William David Reynolds : Wow!

  [takes a look inside to find the pages blank] 

  William David Reynolds : Huh?

  God : Just ask the book any question about your life, and the answer shall be revealed.

  William David Reynolds : Uh... how many days did I live?

  [the book displays 11,972 days] 

  William David Reynolds : Cool! How many hours is that?

  [the book displays 287,326 hours] 

  God : It's not a calculator. This is the book of your life.

  God : Ooh, how many times did I hear the song "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls?

  [the book displays 106 times] 

  William David Reynolds : Huh, I thought it would be more then that.

  [the book displays 'Nope'] 

  God : Why not ask the book about your actions on Earth and how they impacted your loved one?

  William David Reynolds : In a minute. Book, if I made bricks out of all the poop I ever pooped out and built a 6-foot high wall out of the bricks, how long could I make that wall?

  [the book displays 2.7 miles] 

  God : This is ridiculous. Book, tell this man how many moments of happiness he gave his friends and family.

  William David Reynolds : Boring! Book, could I have filled the Empire State Building with my own poop?

  God : Don't answer that, book!

  William David Reynolds : I want to know!

  God : No!