Les Lye: Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti, Announcer, Blip, Snake-Eyes, Principal, Brutus, Coach

Quotes 

• Announcer : The A-Team Makes One Cup Of Coffee Last 5 Hours will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you this special program for people who have time on their hands and nothing better to do.

• Alasdair Gillis : Dad.

  Lance Prevort : Mm-hm?

  Alasdair Gillis : When you were my age, where did you mostly hang out?

  Lance Prevort : Uh, w-w-when I was your age, Alasdair, I... mostly I, uh, hung out at the gym. You shoulda seen me then. Oh, was I ever fit.

  Alasdair Gillis : Oh, yeah? It's too bad you don't hang out at the gym anymore, huh?

  Lance Prevort : Yeah, 'cause if I did, maybe I wouldn't hang out of my pants so much. But, uh, no, I don't have a hangout anymore, Alasdair. It's more of a hang-OVER.

• Valerie Prevort : GIrls, there is a perfectly good shopping plaza right across the street. I don't understand why you have to go clear across town.

  Ruth Westdal : But, Mom, you don't understand. You see, the further you go, ah, the cuter the guys are. The guys around here are real wimps.

  Lance Prevort : You're mother and I met at a corner store that was less than a block from her home. She didn't have to run all over the city to meet a man!

  Valerie Prevort : [rethinking her position]  You know, girls, I think that possibly it would be a good idea if you got out and expanded your horizons a bit. Extremely much. Search far and wide.

  Lance Prevort : [to his delighted daughters]  Girls, don't encourage your mother.

• Principal : Alasdair, are you trying to tell me that your mother WANTS you to get a detention?

  Alasdair Gillis : That's right, sir.

  Principal : What kind of a mother do you have?

  Alasdair Gillis : A working mother, sir.

  Principal : A w... w-What has THAT got to do with getting a detention?

  Alasdair Gillis : Well, sir, after school, I either have to hang around at the video arcade or go home and then my mom has to hire a babysitter; but, if I get a detention, you kinda... babysit me for free.

  Principal : [affronted]  There's no way I am going to provide a babysitting service. Get out! GET OUT!

  Alasdair Gillis : [to the camera]  Sometimes it's so easy I'm ashamed of myself.

• [ding-dong] 

  Alasdair Gillis : [heading a group of street toughs]  Mister, we wanna know if you wanna pay us to hang around outside your, uh, porch so the neighbors will think your daughter's really popular?

  Lance Prevort : Hey, that's a very good idea. How much?

  Alasdair Gillis : Fifty bucks.

  Lance Prevort : Fifty bucks each.

  Alasdair Gillis : No, fifty bucks for all of us.

• Lance Prevort : I was once so poor I had to beg for money in the streets. Oh, and I also had to wash dishes in a greasy spoon.

  Adam Kalbfleisch : You mean you're a panhandler?

  Lance Prevort : No, no-no. The wouldn't let me handle the pans, just the dishes.

• Announcer : You Can't Do That On Television has been a Hung Out To Dry Production.

• Lance Prevort : Listen, kid, I didn't get to where I am today hangin' out at shopping malls.

  Valerie Prevort : Yes, you did, Lance. Remember, you're a politician.

• Alasdair Gillis : Coach, we became really worried about ya. I mean, half-time must be almost over and you haven't given us your usual pep-talk yet.

  Coach : For the very best reason - game's over.

  Alasdair Gillis , Adam Kalbfleisch : What?

  Coach : O-VER! You know those pretty little girls that are always waitin' outside the locker room when you guys come off the field the big heroes?

  Alasdair Gillis , Adam Kalbfleisch : Yeah.

  Coach : Well, I decided I'd play them instead of you, and guess what. WE WON! WE WON!