Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami (2007)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Quotes
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Charlie Harper : [to Alan] ... Why wouldn't she want you?
Alan Harper : I'm broke, middle-aged, twice divorced, sleeping on your hide-a-bed, and sharing custody of a flatulent, under-achieving son.
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Alan Harper : [to Charlie] Because, there's only two reasons you *ever* set me up with a woman. Either you need somebody to keep the emotionally disturbed, or cross-eyed, or hermaphroditic best friend busy while you do the pretty girl, or... Okay. I guess there's just one reason.
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Alan Harper : [to Charlie] "I'm sorry" does not make up for leaving me in a hotel room with a girl with a vestigial penis.
