- Oliver Douglas: [Mr. Haney has a decorated bathtub on the back of his truck] What is that?
- Mr. Haney: Eh, what is what?
- Oliver Douglas: That monstrosity!
- Mr. Haney: Mr. Douglas, may I shake your hand?
- Oliver Douglas: What for?
- Mr. Haney: You show that to a hundred people and probably not more than one of 'em will recognize it as a genuine Monstrositi. That is the work of Fedeccini Monstrositi, the last of the great Italian bathtub makers.
- Doris Ziffel: Oh, I know: men. First they marry you. Then they want you to make beds, make supper, make bisquits, make jam! They don't want wives, they want makin' machines. Boy, it's tough being a woman.
- Lisa Douglas: It sure is. But I don't know how to do anything else.
- Eb Dawson: Well, there sure is a lot of tension around here tonight, it's like a Joan Crawford movie.
- Oliver Douglas: You know, when I married you, I knew you didn't have too much up here, but the rest of you made up for it. But now that I'm getting older...
- [shakes his head]
- Lisa Douglas: [apologetic] I ran out of hotscakes flowers and I can't make you hotscakes for breakfast.
- Oliver Douglas: [brightens up] You can't make hotcakes?
- Lisa Douglas: Shall I get the whip?
- Oliver Douglas: No, no, no, just let me sit here and let it sing in. No hotcakes...
- [he starts to whistle]
- Lisa Douglas: You're not very upset?
- Oliver Douglas: Well, I'm just covering up for what's inside: relief.
- Mr. Haney: Now, just take a look at what I got on my truck. Maybe some item will tickle your fancy. That is, if you've got a ticklish fancy.
- [laughs]
- Mr. Haney: Always like to start the dickering with a joke!
- Oliver Douglas: Yeah, well, it's not much of a joke and we are not dickering.