Family Guy (TV Series)

Stewie Kills Lois (2007)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Carter Pewterschmidt, God, Kool-Aid Guy, Ringo Starr, Telegraph Sex

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ship's Captain : I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to bar you from the aft section of the ship for the rest of the cruise.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, we are so sorry. Peter, what the hell did you think you were doing?

  Peter Griffin : Lois, it is called the "poop deck." That is why I pooped there.

  Ship's Captain : You're disgusting!

  Peter Griffin : And you're misleading.

• Peter Griffin : Boy this is romantic, isn't it, Lois?

  Lois Griffin : It sure is, sweetie. I feel like that fat-ass British girl from Titanic.

  Peter Griffin : What girl?

  Lois Griffin : The *lead* in Titanic. The one opposite Leonardo Di Caprio.

  Peter Griffin : Sweetheart, that was a guy.

  Lois Griffin : What?

  Peter Griffin : That was a guy. That was Philip Seymour Hoffman.

  Lois Griffin : No it wasn't!

  Peter Griffin : Yes it was, honey. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman. Look at you out here on a big trip.

• Lois Griffin : Stewie? What are you doing here?

  Stewie Griffin : [points a gun at Lois]  Oh there is a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, with all indignity you force me to suffer for all these years!

  Lois Griffin : Wha? What are you doing with a gun?

  Stewie Griffin : Something I should have done a very long time ago!

  [Stewie shoots Lois] 

• Stewie Griffin : You know, Meg has really flourished since Lois was murdered.

  Brian Griffin : What are you talking about? Lois' death was an accident.

  Stewie Griffin : Which is what someone who pulled the perfect murder would want you to think.

  Brian Griffin : What the hell are you... Stewie... did you... did you kill Lois?

  Stewie Griffin : Of course I didn't, Brian.

  [as he's explaining, his head turns 90 degrees] 

  Stewie Griffin : Remember what you said? I'm all talk. I wouldn't possibly go through with it. I'll just poop and fall asleep!

  Brian Griffin : My God! You did it! You actually did it!

  Stewie Griffin : [with his head stuck at a 90 degree angle]  Oh God, I really screwed myself up here. Listen, could you reach into my pocket and get the number of that acupuncturist?

  Brian Griffin : You son of a bitch! You killed Lois!

  Stewie Griffin : Good luck proving that, Brian. Now, seriously, that number?

  Brian Griffin : [ignoring the diversion]  Well, I am gonna expose you for what you are! No matter what it takes! You are gonna pay for this!

  [leaves in anger] 

• Lois Griffin : You've totally ruined this trip for me. I am mortified to even show my face around this ship.

  Peter Griffin : Hey the Captain's the one who should be embarrassed, his story was gay.

  Lois Griffin : YOU'RE gay!