- Peter Griffin: [buried beneath a pile of cripples and Ben Stiller has landed] Ben Stiller, help me.
- Ben Stiller: No, Peter. I've heard what you've said about my movies.
- Peter Griffin: How did you hear?
- Ben Stiller: [pointing at his huge ears, speaking angrily] Uh, hello!
- Peter Griffin: Go to hell you mutant offspring of comedy people.
- [Brian is sitting on the couch reading a book; Peter sneaks up behind him laughing and shocks him]
- Brian Griffin: Ow! Damn it, Peter! Stop it! I gotta tell you, you're pissing me off worse than when I watched the O.J. verdict with my old roommate!
- [cut to Brian and his roommate watching TV]
- Woman: We, the jury, find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty.
- Roommate: Yes!
- Brian Griffin: What the hell?
- Brian Griffin, Roommate: What?
- [both take out guns and aim at each other]
- Brian Griffin: Maybe we should get new roommates.
- Roommate: Yeah, maybe we should.
- [Peter, who has taken to giving his family static electricity shocks, is hiding from Lois]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, I swear to God, if you shock me, I'm leaving you.
- Peter Griffin: [in a cutaway when he swaps voices with Patrick Stewart] Hey, Lois. Sorry about the mess in the upstairs bathroom this morning. My post-sex pee stream forked in half last night and got everywhere.
- Peter Griffin: Joe, I thought you were bringing all your cops buddies here. What are all these parallelograms doing here?
- Joe Swanson: Peter, they're paraplegics.
- Peter Griffin: Welcome to Big Pete's House of Munch. May I help you?
- Customer: Yes, do you accept the Discover card?
- Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois. Diamond Jim Brady over here just asked if we accept the Discover card.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, they're in an exclusive club called "anybody."
- Peter Griffin: Yeah. No, no, no, I don't think so. You know... You know, I would rather take two live chickens than your fly-by-night credit card. I would rather take a jar of pennies thats value was less than that of your bill.
- Customer: Look, you don't have to insult me.
- Peter Griffin: No, no, no. You are going to sit there and listen to the funny things I would take instead of your credit card.