- P.J. Franklin: [voiceover] The end of baseball season can be bittersweet. If your team didn't win the series, you're left second-guessing decisions made along the way and hoping you get another season to get it right.
- Mike Callahan: See, I was in until he said "hurrah."
- Bobby Newman: "Hurrah" means drunken adventure.
- Mike Callahan: I'm back in.
- Kenny Morittori: We each picked a place we've never been. I picked the Sears Tower. Mike picked "in the company of a satisfied woman."
- Mike Callahan: Hey! You got one! Did it feel good?
- Mike Callahan: [visiting the Art Institute] On the giant list of things I'm not interested in, museums fall somewhere between ballet and arena football.
- P.J. Franklin: Hot chicks hang out in museums.
- Mike Callahan: Museums are creeping up the list.
- Bobby Newman: Grew up in that building right there. This is the first time I've ever stepped foot on this beach.
- Mike Callahan: That's crazy.
- P.J. Franklin: Why wouldn't you come over here?
- Bobby Newman: I wanted to but my parents wouldn't let me. They said it was public, which in rich speak means "dangerous and dirty."
- Mike Callahan: Yeah, dude, you better be careful. That golden retriever will lick you to death.
- Mike Callahan: There's no way to get in that lake without your balls jumpin' into your throat.
- Stephanie Layne: Please.
- Mike Callahan: Oh, sorry, Poopy.
- Bobby Newman: Wow, first the Sears Tower, then talking to a really hot girl. I am enjoying The Kenny Show today.
- Stephanie Layne: I'm not saying you're not adventurous and deceitful. I'm saying, when it comes to matters of the heart, you protect yourself. You hold back.
- Andy Franklin: [pulls up as a tour guide in a double-decker bus] Ladies and gentlemen, you are a wonderful crowd, and I would like to play one of my favorite tunes and dedicate it to a man who thinks he didn't see anything good today. Brendan Dorff, this one's for you.
- Brendan Dorff: No, no. Wait, okay? I DID see something good. Uh, uh, Mike got on to art, Kenny busted out of his shell, Bobby got a rash...
- Andy Franklin: Too bad. I gotta sing, anyway. Hit it!
- Andy Franklin: [singing] Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen...