- Dean Winchester: So, was I right? Is it the serial killing chimney sweep?
- Sam Winchester: Yup. It's, uh, it's actually Dick Van Dyke.
- Dean Winchester: Who?
- Sam Winchester: Mary Poppins?
- Dean Winchester: Who's that?
- Sam Winchester: Oh come on... Nevermind.
- Dean Winchester: Remember that wreath dad brought home that one year?
- Sam Winchester: You mean the one he stole from, like, a liquor store?
- Dean Winchester: Yeah, it was a bunch of empty beer cans.
- [laughs]
- Dean Winchester: That thing was great.
- Dean Winchester: [Madge cuts Dean's arm] You bitch!
- Madge Carrigan: [stands up and looks offended] Oh, my goodness me! Somebody owes a nickel to the swear jar. Oh, do you know what I say when I feel like swearing? Fudge.
- Dean Winchester: [stares at her incredulously] I'll try an remember that.
- Dean Winchester: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?
- Sam Winchester: Actually, I have an idea.
- Dean Winchester: Yeah?
- Sam Winchester: Yeah. It's gonna sound crazy...
- Dean Winchester: What could you possibly say that sounds crazy to me?
- Sam Winchester: Um... Evil Santa.
- Dean Winchester: ...Yeah, that's crazy.
- Dean Winchester: What are we looking for again?
- Sam Winchester: Um, lore says that the Anti-Claus will walk with a limp and smell like sweets.
- Dean Winchester: Great, so we're looking for a pimp Santa. Why the sweets?
- Sam Winchester: Think about it, Dean. If you smell like candy, the kids will come closer, you know?
- Dean Winchester: That's creepy.
- Dean Winchester: Wreaths, huh? You sure you didn't want to ask about her shoes? You know, I saw some nice handbags in the foyer...
- Sam Winchester: We've seen that wreath beore, Dean.
- Dean Winchester: Where?
- Sam Winchester: The Walshes. Yesterday.
- Dean Winchester: [trying to cover] ...I know... I was just testing you.
- Dean Winchester: [re: Meadowsweet] Why would someone be using that as Christmas wreaths?
- Sam Winchester: You know, it's not as crazy as it sounds, Dean. I mean, pretty much every Christmas tradition *is* Pagan.
- Dean Winchester: Christmas is Jesus's birthday.
- Sam Winchester: No, Jesus's birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the winter solstice festival that was co-opted by the church and renamed Christmas. But I mean the yule log, the tree, even Santa's red suit is all remnants of Pagan worship.
- Dean Winchester: How do you know that? What are you going to tell me next, the Easter Bunny's Jewish?
- Edward Carrigan: Now open wide, and say "ah".
- [Edward sticks a pair of plyers in Dean's mouth, preparing to pull out a tooth. The doorbell rings, and everyone freezes]
- Dean Winchester: [with pliers in his mouth] Is somebody gonna get that?
- [the Carrigans look at each other. The doorbell rings again]
- Dean Winchester: [with pliers still in his mouth] You should get that.
- Sam Winchester: Well, we're not dealing with the anti-Clause.
- Dean Winchester: What'd Bobby say?
- Sam Winchester: Uh, that we're morons.
- Sam Winchester: [Sam opens Christmas present from Dean]
- Sam Winchester: Skin mags!
- Sam Winchester: [opens the next package]
- Sam Winchester: and... shaving cream!
- Dean Winchester: So all these Martha Stewart wannabes buying these fancy wreaths...
- Sam Winchester: Yup, it pretty much like putting a neon sign on your front door saying "come kill us".
- Dean Winchester: Find anything?
- Sam Winchester: Stockings, mistletoe, this...
- [hands Dean the tooth]
- Dean Winchester: A tooth? Where was this?
- Sam Winchester: In the chimney.
- Dean Winchester: Chimney? No way a man fits up a chimney, it's too narrow.
- Sam Winchester: No way he fits up in one piece.
- Dean Winchester: So you think we're dealing with a pagan god?
- Sam Winchester: Yeah, probably Hold McCar, god of the winter solstice.
- [reading from a book]
- Sam Winchester: Huh. When you sacrifice to Hold McCar, guess what he gives you in return?
- Dean Winchester: Lap dances, hopefully.