- Amy Santiago: [Catching Jake and Holt trying to sneak off to read Captain Kim's mail] Seriously? The bathroom sneak-off? It didn't work for Dana McAlpin trying to smoke a joint at the Winter Carnival Dance, and it's not going to work for you. Give me the mail. Hmm. You just got "chaperowned", O-W-N-E-D.
- Jake Peralta: Spelling is never cool.
- Officer Ray Holt: Wrong, that was extremely cool. Now I understand why you're "into her."
- Jake Peralta: Now you understand? You officiated our wedding.
- Captain Julie Kim: [Off camera] Hallo?
- Raymond Holt: She's coming. Hide.
- Jake Peralta: Title of your sex tape?
- Jake Peralta: [Looking over pictures of their new Captain] Okay, we've got her meeting the mayor, her dog-sitting for Bo Obama, Malala giving her an award, but no photos of Wuntch.
- Raymond Holt: That's because vampires don't appear on film. Perhaps we should be looking for a 17th-century woodblock print.
- Raymond Holt: We need to get that key. How are you at picking pockets?
- Jake Peralta: [Produces a wallet] Does this answer your question?
- Raymond Holt: Whose wallet is that?
- Jake Peralta: It's mine. But it came out so smooth I barely even felt it.
- Raymond Holt: Excuse me, but does it seem slightly warm to anyone? I feel it is quite warm.
- Jake Peralta: What was that? You were supposed to cause a drunken scene.
- Raymond Holt: I was. I raised the volume of my voice 9%, as inebriated people do, and I spoke of the resultant rise in body temperature.
- Charles Boyle: Ever since Rosa gave me this baby, people have been treating me like I'm cool. The girl at the coffee shop even got the name on my cup right. It says "Charles," not "Cassie."
- Amy Santiago: All right, I know what's going on here. You two still don't trust Captain Kim and you're here to snoop on her.
- Raymond Holt: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Amy Santiago: Please. Look at your shoes. You only wear sneakers for their literal purpose: sneaking.
- Jake Peralta: That's crazy. He's wearing perfectly normal...
- Raymond Holt: No, she's right. The clown shoes gave me away.