- Captain Ray Holt: That's weird. It's sunny outside.
- Jake Peralta: Why's that weird?
- Captain Ray Holt: Because a **bleep** storm is about to rain down on that punk.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, my God, I fell for it, and I loved it.
- Captain Ray Holt: [to Cheddar's kidnapper, as they are fighting] Oh, I see you have a knife. But what you need is an umbrella.
- Jake Peralta: [From inside the car, to himself] Tell him why. Tell him why!
- Captain Ray Holt: 'Cause there's a **bleep** storm gonna rain down on you, punk!
- Jake Peralta: Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
- Captain Ray Holt: Yes! That's the right level of excitement for such a bird. You captured the essence of Kevin. You've done it.
- Jake Peralta: Correction, I've accomplished it.
- Captain Ray Holt: Indeed.
- Kevin Cozner: Indeed.
- Jake Peralta: Indeed, indeed, indeed...
- Jake Peralta, Captain Ray Holt, Kevin Cozner: Indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed.
- Jake Peralta: It's growing on me.
- Kevin Cozner: And then I said, "Which 'Metamorphosis'? Kafka or Ovid?"
- [Captain Holt laughs]
- Kevin Cozner: He loves it. He loves it.
- [Captain Holt sighs]
- Kevin Cozner: So that's the joke. Now, you tell it.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, okay,
- [clears throat]
- Jake Peralta: So, a professor walks in to a rare books collection...
- Kevin Cozner: No, you've ruined it. Now it's not funny.
- Jake Peralta: Perhaps the kidnapper's watch is slow.
- Captain Ray Holt: Oh, dear God, if his watch is slow, there's no telling what else this psychopath is capable of.
- Captain Ray Holt: Peralta, my office.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, Kevin's here. And you both look so upset. Oh, no, did they stop funding the arts?
- Kevin Cozner: Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
- Jake Peralta: [Does a perfect imitation] Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
- Captain Ray Holt: No, you're too excited. The warbler's a common bird.
- Jake Peralta: The 92nd Street Y, I had a wonderful symposium on just that topic.
- Kevin Cozner: That's it. You're getting it.
- Jake Peralta: Ah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
- Captain Ray Holt: Don't say "cool," instead say "indeed."
- Jake Peralta: Oh, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed, indeed.
- [laughs]
- Jake Peralta: It's weird.
- Kevin Cozner: Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
- Jake Peralta: [Does a perfect imitation] Look, Raymond. A yellow crested warbler.
- Captain Ray Holt: Ugh, not excited enough. They may be common, but they're still birds.
- Jake Peralta: [phone ringing] He's calling. Wait, Kevin, we didn't go over how you answer the phone.
- Captain Ray Holt: There isn't time. Just answer.
- Jake Peralta: Okay.
- [answers phone]
- Jake Peralta: You've reached Professor Kevin Cozner. Please start speaking when I finish this sentence.
- Terry Jeffords: Charles, this Boyle bone broth is incredible. I'm not sore at all anymore.
- Charles Boyle: I told you it works. The Boyles used to drink it during potato digging season to keep everyone healthy in the furrows.
- Terry Jeffords: You know, I bet we could sell this stuff.
- Charles Boyle: You really think so?
- [gasps]
- Charles Boyle: We can call our company "The Bone Boys." No! "More Bone, Less Moan." No! "Workplace Bone Buds." That's the one. I'm registering it.
- Rosa Diaz: Who or what is a Snoog?
- Amy Santiago: Are you kidding me? It's only the best roller. It has the versatility of Sporjule, the safety rating of a Fajerb, and an even smoother ride than the Kinderbuscht.
- Rosa Diaz: Are you having a stroke?
- Amy Santiago: All the best strollers are from Scandinavia, where they don't hate people for having children.
- Rosa Diaz: I saw "Midsommar." Those people have their own problems.