Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk and the Rapper (2007)

Snoop Dogg: Murderuss, Russell Kroy

Quotes 

• Murderuss : My name is Murderuss.

  Natalie Teeger : Murderuss. I've heard of you. I've taken your records away from my daughter.

• Lt. Randall Disher : [just tried to sing on of Murderuss's songs]  I could've done it right if I had a boombox,

  [pointing to Stottlemeyer] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : but he wouldn't let me bring one in.

  Murderuss : [to Stottlemeyer]  I owe you one.

• [in the interrogation room with Capt. Stottlemeyer and Lt. Disher] 

  Murderuss : What is this good cop, *demented* cop?

• Murderuss : It'll help you relax.

  Adrian Monk : [really nervous]  I'm-I'm relaxed.

  Murderuss : You are *not* relaxed, dog. You're the most uptight little puppy I've ever met. If I stuck a lump of coal up your butt, and waited ten minutes, I'd get a diamond.

• Murderuss : I am not going to be putting a bomb under somebody's towncar. You know me, I'm up close and personal, face-to-face.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Well not according to this.

  [holds out the CD] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : Track 4. A little song called "Car Bomb."

  [imitates rapping] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : "Ch, ch, ch. I put the bomb in your limo, that's what the surprise is / under your seat like Oprah giving prizes."

  [stops rapping] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : Sound familiar?

  Murderuss : Not the way you do it.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, well, I wasn't really performing it.

  Murderuss : Look, you got to be one of the whitest white boys I've ever met. And I've met Kevin Costner.

• Murderuss : [35:28]  Here's what happened, y'all. I got this, Monk. Yeah. You can't believe what you hear all the time. Sometimes seeing is believing, like the the man said. I was set up. I'm just a pawn in this game. Let me break it down for y'all. No, for real. Here's what happened. Have you ever been accused? Man, you got set up. And it really wasn't you? Tried to plant something on me. Man you got set up. And then you say I killed your homey? This fool was greedy. Had to have the whole thing. Let me run it down to you, it's a cold game. He wanted more than half of the pie. That's why his partner had to die. you heard me, you were the target all along. Am I right or am I wrong? Every week they had a breakfast date. Kaptain Krunch, french toast, or a stack of pancakes. But, this week, they wasn't serving nothing but murder on a plate. He wanted to pin it on me like a purple heart, but his perfect plan just fell apart. Just like Aaron Burr who was tried for treason. You made a mistake, dog, forgot about the season. There was a fatal flaw to this perfect crime. See, Sunday was daylight savings time. Twice a year we reset the clock ahead one hour but I guess you forgot. Your partner showed up to break some bread. What he found was an empty table instead. You didn't order room service, because you thought the homey whitey was dead. Extra Large ran out of luck, when the limo came by and picked him up. The pocket watch up under the car. The trigger went boom and there went Extra Large. Have you ever been accused? And it really wasn't you? Tried to plant something on me. And then you say I killed your homey? I went to the source and found a great detective. I told Adrian Monk to follow my direction. He solved the case and rocked it well. The next stop for you, Denny Hodges, is a death row jail cell.

• Murderuss : Look, man if you back out right now, I'm in deep dookie, Mookie. And that's church. Fo' shizzle my dizzle. You know what I'm sayin'?

  Adrian Monk : Um... no. Not... not... not so much. I wish I did.